Will I be here?

[Beth 83]

Here's the issue I have w/ H.

I know that he got OW flowers for Valentine's Day. He sent them through his flower account and the card read, "Happy Valentine's Day, Sweatheart. I love you. Love, H"

He sent me a $20 box of cookies that said, "Happy Valentine's Day, Elizabeth. ~ H"

See the difference? no, "Love" to me.

I think the ring is him still living a double life. When he is staying at his parents house, (which is only 3 miles from our house) he wears his ring. He is used to taking it on and off. So, when he sees me, he keeps it on. NO WAY, is he still wearing it with OW.

I've had numerous nightmares that I've confronted him about wearing his ring and he would take it off, relieved that he didn't need to "make believe" around me anymore. Honestly, that is why I think he is wearing his ring. He is so used to living a double life. He hasn't changed one bit since our separation. He is still a self-loather.

I told my therapist that H is like an egg: He has created this strong exterior, but he is still so soft and disturbed on the inside from his childhood wounds and self-hatred. That he wants to be a stronger person, but he needs to work from the inside out. which he doesn't do.

if anyone read, make up, don't break up. That is My H and my relationship. He needs to work on his own deep, DEEP issues before things will ever be ok with us. I just worry he never will b/c he hasn't done anything yet.

[Beth 83]

So, I believe that if you have a good friend who is in trouble or doing something wrong, it is your responsibility as their friend to bring their attention to it.

So, that is what brings me to my H.

H has a facade up. He is a damaged little boy who makes believe he is strong. He has horrible self-loathing issues, was adopted by a very loving family (although he doesn't see it that way). But, he makes believe he is strong, but it is just a facade covering the pained little boy in him.

I know that he knows this. He knows he has issues that he needs to deal with.
I know that the "facade of strength" is what he is really capable of, but it always seems to crack at one point. He needs to get psychological help to deal with his issues and to build his strength from the inside out, rather than it just being a facade on a weak foundation.

Shouldn't I bring this to his attention? "H, you know that you need to deal with this . When are you going to deal with this?"