I really think nic has hit the nail on the head here, as far as the detachment and accepting goes
Originally Posted By: nic
Al, what helped me was finally really accepting that my M was over, that we were D'd in all but name. A D couldn't make us less married than we already were!
That said, I totally understand your position regarding a house with a big value, and a low mortgage, that you want to keep. I was a similar situation.
Can't your attorney draft a creative arrangement where you repay H back his share of the equity, with a small market interest add on, over a VERY long time (i.e, 15 years or so). That way, you can afford the cash outflow and keep the house and the low mortgage. If house values are down right now, this could really work for you, because his half of the fair value will be as low as it is going to be for awhile. H would essentially be your 2nd mortgage holder.
I realize H won't like this, but tough beans. If the interest rate is fair, then there is no argument about it being equitable, it just isn't what he wants.
You know too, if you were to propose something like this nonchalantly, he might realize you have let go, and he might chill a bit. Oh well, maybe that is too optimistic, but we can hope!
Good luck, this part just sucks, no matter how determined we are to be detached and businesslike. But you are a good mom and a smart cookie and you'll get through it.
