I got home very late last night and slept late and had to get to work so there was not much interchange between me and the W. She asked me how the trip was. I said spectacular and said I had to get to work. I didn't want to ask her how her weekend was because i didn't want to be snooping/prying. I feel I was a little impersonal but there is a fine line between giving her space, detaching and being careing and personal. I am hurting a little today just thinking about the sitch. I wish all this would just go away. I wish there was a silver bullet. We had no contact for almost a week therefore no arguments or disagreements which was very nice. I feel like something is going to happen soon but I am trying not to assume anything.
I am going to be away this weekend also for a Soccer Tourney in Virgina with S12 so it will be more space for her and I was thinking about taking the kids to Vermont the following weekend.
I am trying to asses how i feel about her now. I know I still love her and care very much about her future but when I look at her all I can think of is all the selfish pain that she is putting us thru and all the lies about her whereabouts.
A lot of my friends and family are saying "just get Divorsed" for they see how much pain I am in but they have no idea how I feel and what is going on in my head. They just want my pain to go away. I am not ready to give up yet. I feel so bad for my kids, they love me so much.
I am getting tired of this and yet I feel that is what she wants me to feel so I will just give up and then she dose'nt have to feel bad, more like it is my decision. I know that deep down in she loves me very much but is suppressing those feelings, but how long can she do this for? I also have the OM/ER in my mind all the time. I don't think there is anything there but I can't stop thinking about it.
