If you wish, Michele's staff could recommend a counselor in your area. You can e-mail Virginia, or call the 1-800 number on this site for info. The choice is yours.
Tia, when I called and asked about finding a sbt in my area, I was told that they don't make recommendations. I explained that I wasn't trying to replace my coaching, but I just wanted to find someone to talk to face to face and also help with kid issues.
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
I am finding myself jealous of my Ds, how sick is that? H is so loving and affectionate with them and while I of course wouldn't want him not to be, it actually hurts for me to see it sometimes. Especially when he and D11, who looks just like me, curl up and read together on the couch.
lmg, I could have written this! I'm not sure its jealousy that I feel about it, I am happy he is very connected to her right now, but it makes me sad to think that it is because of what he is going through. My D11 is a "mini me" too!
My H used to be more connected to S9 than D11, but now he is really focused on D11. What does hurt me, it that D11 seems to be pulling away from me. I can't do or say anything right in her eyes. I didn't think this would happen until a couple years from now. I don't want to cling to her because I think that could make it worse.
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
H comes back late tonight after being away for 5 days--during which I DB'd pretty well. Didn't call him at all, was polite but brief when he asked to speak to me. GAL'd with my Ds.
I'm not sure what he is thinking as far as moving out. He needs to have an apt lined up that is nearby and has a room for the kids, and that seems like a financial impossibility right now.
All weekend, I kept looking at my Ds and pictured breaking the news to them and I simply cannot see myself participating in that. I don't want them to think that I am onboard with separating. My D11, especially, gets angry at me just for breathing lately, plus she is going to a new school in September, which will be a big change for her. She also struggles with anxiety and depression. She really does NOT need any other major change in her life right now.
I will sit there with H if he wants to tell them, but I've decided that he will have to take responsibility for making the decision to move elsewhere. I don't plan to speak badly about him to them, but I simply do not approve of what he is doing and I think my kids are going to know the real deal anyway. I know I should rise above it all and make it seem like a mutual decision, but I simply can't do that. I don't even think I could pull it off. My C thinks it's OK for me to ask H to take that responsibility.
Me/X-H: 47/48 T 19 yrs M 16 years D14 D10 ILYBINILWY: 10/07 H moved out 6/08
H is back from his vacation and I'm feeling awful again. He came in last night, got into bed without giving me a kiss hello. I had such a strong urge to cuddle up next to him.
Now he is planning to take the Ds skiing this weekend and half-heartedly invited me along, saying the girls would want me to come. That made me feel like crying, since he doesn't want me to. His sister and her new bf are coming too. I'm torn. I want to go because I love to ski and want to be with Ds, but I associate skiing so strongly with the good times in my R with H and I'm miserable at the thought of being in that environment with him right now. Plus, my SIL and her new bf will be more reminders of new love and all that.
Me/X-H: 47/48 T 19 yrs M 16 years D14 D10 ILYBINILWY: 10/07 H moved out 6/08
If you're stong enough to go and "act as if" (and you are if you choose to be). Go, if you want to. Do not go if you think you'll be a wet towel. That will just give justification to your H.
I know it's hard and hard to know what to do. You are stronger than you think though. Your going will not change his mind. It will give you the opportunity to show you can be included in "family" things without being a drag, which may get you more invitations than you'd otherwise get.
I'm going. The kids are thrilled about this, a surprise vacatio and they get to miss a day of school. We always have fun as a family. Since our Ds don't know anything about Hs plans to leave/separate, I fear that this reinforcement of our family life will only make it more confusing for them.
I plan to act as if I am the best, most patient, charming fun-loving person on earth.
This morning I probably blew DBing once again. I snuggled up to H in bed and asked him: "Do you not want me to touch you at all?" To which he said "I didn't say that." To which I said: "I hate sleeping in the same bed and not touching. Can you just be my cuddly boy toy until I find a new boyfriend?" I know--it's bad DBing, it's pressure, but I just HATE lying there and not being able to touch at all--yet I don't want him to leave the bed either.
Me/X-H: 47/48 T 19 yrs M 16 years D14 D10 ILYBINILWY: 10/07 H moved out 6/08
