If it were me, the consequence for my wife not ending all contact with her boyfriend was for me to withhold ALL emotional support from her. I was civil -- even cordial -- and I treated her with basic kindness. But I was NOT her "best friend" while she was carrying on with him, and I let her know that. When she came back to me, she told me that this was what she missed the most. We didn't date, we didn't have nice long conversations, we didn't bring each other drinks, etc., so long as she was carrying on with him.
So really, two separate issues. BOUNDARIES were things like "do not text OM in my presence, or in the presence of the kids." But my PERSONAL INTEGRITY was that I was not going to meet ANY of her marital needs while she was having an affair.
That may not be classic DBing, but it worked for me. I felt that if she was getting 1/2 her needs met by OM, and the other 1/2 by me, that she would continue to cake-eat, and I found that emasculating and just couldn't do it for very long. I set a time limit in my own mind (90 days), and told her only "my patience is not limitless, and I'm losing what's left of my love for you daily," and then let the ball lie in her court. In the meantime, I looked good/smelled good, and was the best dad and best Puppy I could be.
