The mistress has more than I can offer

[Dayana]

Hi Saffie and Sara
Thank goodness for you two, it is so good to have someone who understands what all this is like.

He met OW through my sisters husband - she is his ex wife! She never managed a band in her life. The music management and love affair commenced simultaneously and she remortgaged her house to fund his music. They are not making any profit, just building up debt. So finding another manager is really not on the cards because his music does not generate enough income to be of interest to a manager who has only commercial interests at stake. All the musicians we know are managed by their partners! I think you can only get a 'real' manager when you generate enough income to make it worth their while and this is very rare for most musicians, no matter how talented.

I've offered H that I can help him - I can't of course take on full management as I work full time already, but I can certainly provide a lot of help on the side, but it's not good enough for him. He gets 100% devotion of her time plus her money.

He is not contractually bound to pay her the money - I pointed this out to him, but for some reason he feels loyalty to her. He certainly doesn't feel any to me financially - he has not contributed any money to me or the kids since end Dec, I am paying the mortgage and everything on my own.

I know you are right - I need to let him be, focus on me and get on with things. It is just so hard. It hurts so much that he does not want to rush back to me, even when he claims to have broken up with her. I do know that the music is like a drug to him - it compels him away from the family. I am not actually sure that I can ever compete with this. I don't think that his obsession with it will change.

I am going away this weekend again (to a wedding - tough!) with the kids so that will be a good break from him.

It's great that both of you have seen such changes in your H's.