Men are funny about talking about their very private lives to others that know them.....such as the people in the church. Mine won't even go to C where they would not know him at all! I believe "pride" has a lot to do with it where the men are concerned. My H can't even open up to me, so I doubt he could to others (but that is my H and doesn't mean your wouldn't).
It may "appear" that I am getting settled back into the old habits of what our M use to be, but after coming through this past year, that would look pretty good in comparison. However, I don't plan to get too "settled"....lol.
I used to try to force my H into R talks b/c he never brought anything like that to the surface for us to actually have a real life conversation! God forbid! But, in time, I learned that he simply did not know how to talk about intimate or emotional needs.
In my case, it is I who has taken the "time" to come around to the talking, etc., b/c there was a "spiritual" work that needed to be done on the inside of Sandi, first. I had to come through some things before I could be ready for the talking. We tried at first, but I think I was causing him more hurt, b/c I wasn't ready to put the effort into the M that he wanted to see at that time.
It has been a long drawn out thing, but I feel at last that the timing is right. I believe that is what you have to go for. When you feel the spirit between you is right and you can just tell that he is ready and you are ready.
I have learned in my long years of M something that I did not ever think I would hear myself say. B/c I thought everything had to be settled through "talking".....but you know, I have about changed my mind. I can see it with younger couples....yes, that is very important b/c you are still getting to know each other! However, when you have known a person since you were 16 and have been M to him for 42 years.....you get to know him pretty well. Sometimes a look or just a touch can tell you a lot of things.
Be patient, sweetie. It is so hard to understand what MLC'ers go through. But, he's home now and that is the important thing. If he doesn't want to jump into a C program or go to a retreat.... which I hope he will, but if he doesn't want to.....then don't push. Give it time.
Best wishes, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
