Good point. I am leaning towards sending it - just to make sure she knows I didn't just ask for D out of the blue but as a response to her asking me to wait 6 months. Here's the text (with blame hopefully removed), which is kind of like a Plan B letter. I know I should have just sent this rather than agree to D - even when I wait 24 hrs I react too soon. Anyway, this is my attempt to make sure things are in context:
Mrs Lodo,
I am writing to make sure you realize why I've agreed with you to divorce. First, please understand that this is not something I want. It is time, however, for me to let our relationship go. Your request for me to wait 6 months while you tried a relationship with OM passed the boundaries of my moral and ethical principles and I just can't participate in that kind of behavior.
I apologize to you for my part in creating an unhealthy marriage environment that helped make your attraction to OM possible. I foolishly neglected you and failed to encourage basic relationship activities like spending time together, helping each other with daily tasks, participating in new experiences, and being intimate. I was not there when you needed me most and now we are both suffering for my mistake.
It had been my hope that we could work out our problems in what I consider a healthy manner - by being willing to share and then address them in order to reach understanding and not carry them with us into the future. I've had a hard time understanding why you seem unwilling to do this.
I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and work hard to create a new life for both of us that meets both our needs, realizing that you have limited time and energy. I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage some day, changing and growing it into something new. I want us to be able to ask for and meet each other's needs and to avoid hurting each other. I want to be your best friend and trust that you will be mine. I married you out of love and have felt that love radiated back. It is possible for that love to be recaptured. But I cannot work towards that until you end your relationship with OM, though I recognize he is a symptom and not a cause of our marriage problems. Since you have refused to do this, and you have transgressed my basic ethical and moral boundaries, I agree to your stated desire for a divorce, though that is not what I want.
I'm confused and hurt by what has transpired over the past month, as I know you are. I think I need some space so won’t be calling or talking to you unless necessary. I will be civil, cordial, and will treat you with respect during the upcoming months and perhaps in the future we will be able to truly be friends.
Love Lodo
I know this could be greatly improved and would appreciate any feedback.
