Purr...my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry, I can imagine how much it hurts, as you so eloquently described. Its very unfortunate that the MC left you "hanging" sa you say at that juncture..but you did go for food after, so she is able to spend time with you even after that. No wonder you felt sick and couldnt eat, you are so emotionally churned up. Your W has distance as she is the one whose done this, so may have been more numb. One thing that struck me though, she said she was "waiting to see how things unfold" ... that doesnt sound like a definite "its over", but I can imagine from your point of view it does feel that way. Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better, or sometimes I guess that could be it. Are your instincts really telling you that? Or are you just missing her so terribly and very upset?
Maybe sleep on it...she said "talk to you later", so maybe she will contact you before the next MC session. Also, referring to your R in the past tense is perhaps only natural, as whatever you had before has come to a halt. She also did say that your connection was good in so many ways, so theres still something there, although she sounds very withdrawn from you right now and confused?
It hurts so much becuase she is doing this to you, without your say or consent, she has taken away all your power, its stressful and agonising and incomprehensible, I know and yes it hurts so much. But be gentle with yourself. Are you getting any other counselling, someone you can pour this out to, other than MC? I found that really helpful when I felt that heartbroken (as I still do, but I am more used to it now and I am past the physical pain point you describe). Think about getting your own weekly C session as well?
Thinking of you Purr, I so hoped there would be a little uplifting news after today, but it wasnt a full session like you say...and at least she is committed to next weeks session and a lot can change in a week. Keep thinking about your DBing, dont give up hope just yet..its not over till the fat lady etc.
