Quoting SBH-SAM:Hi, Jethro...hmmmm..a post at 3:22 am in my world (if that's the real time you posted - sometimes these time stamps seem off to mee) would mean a sleepless, anxiety filled night...hope it was something better than that...
You're right...although you're two hours ahead of me...
Quoting SBH-SAM:Everyone is right - if she DID fall in love with you way back when, your best bet is to act the way you did way back when.
This one is tough because we "fell in love" when we were 15 years old! You know how she "fell in love" with me? We had been good friends for a few months (although I wanted more and she admittedly didn't) and her friend became interested in me. Jealousy?
In any case, I think she felt this "in love" feeling for a couple of years and that's it...and I DO think she loved me. We've always had a connection (felt it the first time we ever talked), I've always felt "in love" with her, but she would argue that she M me because of how comfortable she feels with me...and that it's more of a friendship. Friendship...friendship...friendship...blah, blah, blah. I've also been pretty consistent personality-wise over the years...although I have "evolved" (because now I'm just more mellow). She, on the other hand, has changed. Not sure how to really answer this, SBH-SAM.
Quoting SBH-SAM:I'll be very disappointed in you if you don't. Oh, don't worry about it. I'll just do it myself. Just go on and do what you need to do. I'll take care of it. I just want the best for you, you know. I try and try and you never seem to appreciate all I do for you.
Yeow!
Quote: SB: "I'm feeling spurts of suspician. Based on very little but my own nagging sense that things aren't "right". I too wonder if not only H, but I am settling for something like "good friends" vs a passionate M."
SBH-SAM: "But, better than all this wondering, mind-reading, second-guessing, negativity!"
Okay ladies...I wanted to address both these quotes in one. Yes, I've somehow been wrapped up in a LOT of pain lately. I don't really know why, but it's eating me up...and driving me crazy. Hell, I feel like I'm gonna have a flippin' anxiety attack. What is this!?!? I KNOW what I need to do...I think. I guess I'm at an impass. You see, I don't trust my W. I just don't. We know why and it was confirmed in what she wrote in her e-mail. I (and she) can justify her actions and I can see it from her point of view, but the fact still remains that she is NOT open with me. She is very open with Divorcee...in ways that she needs to be with me. Maybe it will take time, I don't know. I just cannot tolerate having an R with someone that does not tell me how they're feeling. I know this is my deal and I know I need to get past it. I'm just having a difficult time with it right now. I assume, SB, this is where you stand???
Odd, I guess. When DBing we're told not to focus on what's being said, but on our S's actions. Maybe I am too focused on what's being said rather than her actions...because her actions do suggest she's committed. Perhaps I need to go back to this...
Quoting SBH-SAM:Tell us 3 good things about your R with W.
Okay, I will begin to do this...
1) W finally told me a few things on her mind yesterday that she's been holding back. 2) W told me she thinks we need to go on a little vaca together...just the two of us...to spend some quality time together. 3) She isn't mad at me about snooping, and hasn't said much about it at all. And still, after I told her, she cuddled me on the couch while we watched a show on TV. 4) She continues to want to get stuff for our house, which demonstrates how she's trying to make a comfortable home for herself and us.
Well, yesterday, I finally told my W I forgave her. She thanked me. I do forgive her...it's just the trust...the trust...
