I stepped out and GAL a little bit. Finished up my testing so I can enroll in college and get my degree in nursing. He says he will pay for it and continue to pay for everything. I dont' know why he would offer that. He was still around most of the weekend. We did do some R talk, initiated by me, I just can't seem to stop doing that. It was the same story....Let the dust settle, he doesn't know where this is heading, doesn't want to give me false hope, doesn't want to hurt me.
I am really trying to look at the bigger picture and I am so appreciative that he is financially supporting us and wants to see our children as much as he can, but seeing him everyday is tough. Knowing that he is internally conflicted about his feelings towards me and I don't know what is going on with her. I don't feel like I can ask and he doesn't offer. It's just so weird to not be able to talk to him about everything.
I think that's what bothers me a lot. I don't have anyone to share the mundane things with anymore. I certainly have friends that I talk to but you all know it's not the same when you don't have it anymore. Boy, the things you take for granted.
I approached the idea of having set schedule visitation times and he didn't like that. He said he really wanted to see the kids whenever possible. I am glad that he does, so don't get me wrong, but this makes it difficult to go dark. He goes out of town this weekend for work, I hope I don't fall to pieces more than I already have.
I swear sometimes I think I just can't do this. I wish I could bottle up the PMA that pops up every now and save it for those moments.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
