Not sure I'm qualified to comment but here goes. I agree with tbone about snooping. I've done my fair share I am ashamed to admit. Since we've been trying I haven't mentioned anything to H. I know the hurt oozes out in ways that I don't realize though.
I decided, and it's still VERY HARD to do, to accept the fact that I can't control what he does. He'll make his own choice and your W will too. As much as we'd like to say hey you keep going the way you're going and you'll regret this someday. Unfortunately they have to figure that out.
All we do by focusing on the yucky part of what they do is make us miserable. Not sure about you, but I've had more than my share of that. Why bring more on?
I tell myself since there isn't anything I can directly do about H's behavior I choose to let him live his drama. And sometimes I have to remind myself that this really is HIS drama. God I sure do hate the OW though.
You've held up so well for so long. Turn it up a notch. Go back to no ILY, no OR talks, lovingly detach, no mention of A or OM, make her miss wonderful you. Easier said than done I know. When you figure out the secret pass it on!!!
