ok - so I went and glanced at some of the success stories posted in the newcomers forum. Lot's of stuff there - but just from skimming a couple, I am reminded that many people find themselves in this for way more than a year before things start to come back together. One quote that is an obvious DB theme when you read the advice of those who've been there, done that:

"my detachment came only after I knew and practiced that I would be o.k. regardless of what happened with our marriage"

This is the place I am trying to reach - I guess I'll just have to keep trying to move forward and quit looking over my shoulder. There don't appear to be any shortcuts - just wish I knew if I am making any progress or just running in place.

me: 47
H: 48
he has 2 grown sons
M 1995(my 1st, his 3rd)
hit iceberg 6/07
S 9/26/07
before
now