Hey SBH-SAM! We cross-posted.

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SO, now knowing that your W doesn't even use a password - perhaps SHE wants to get caught, too? Wants you to know some of these things, without having to face you directly?
No, I don't think so. She and I are also writers and she leaves her journals out too. Oddly enough, I wouldn't think of snooping in her journal, but with e-mail it's okay?!?! Can't tell you why I have this odd boundary. Perhaps it's because I know her journal will expose REALLY deep things that are truly private while her e-mails with her divorcee friend just let me know more of the goings-on in her mind. Does that make sense?

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My first M was a "friendship" relationship. I definitely married him b/c I was lonely and depressed. So I know it can happen. BUT, I also know that I put up barriers b/c of intimacy issues, and those barriers DO make you "feel" like you don't really love someone. The barriers make you feel like you just have friendship for the person, b/c when you get intimate it is so uncomfortable.
Yeah, she's even admitted to this. She's gone as far to say that perhaps she'd have intimacy issues with anyone. However, there remains that nagging thought in the back of her head that says she hasn't had enough life experiences with other men. Thing is, this is her deal. I have no control over it and just need to provide her the space to figure it out. Problem is, I frequently get to a point of wondering why I should wait for her to figure this out when my own life is slipping by and could find another mate who does love me. I know, not entirely healthy.

I'll look for the Mother Theresa quote.

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My theory - there are things that make you feel you need to snoop. Discuss THOSE with your W, rather than snooping. YOu'll probably get to the same place without breaching anyone's privacy or tormenting yourself...
VERY good point! We did end up discussing the things that led me to snoop the other night and yesterday morning. I know she feels better about our discussion...at least that's what she's telling me... Oddly enough, our discussion wouldn't have been so intense had I not snooped. Oh well...

Thanks SAM.

jethro