The more my W acts this way the more shocked I am when I compare her to herself at an earlier point in our lives.
Karen,
That's a good way to put it. Somehow my W is able to "compartmentalize" the discomfort I may cause to our S's by anything I may say, do or need from the discomfort she causes in their lives. I don't get her anymore.
Yoyo,
Yes, you are absolutely right. I did recognize that having an occasional weekend free for myself would not be bad at all, and that I will indeed need it some day. Some day. And no, in no way are your words callous or selfish. I fully recognize that our children do not need us to neglect ourselves and our needs all the time. They need us to take care of ourselves, for their own sakes if not our own.
It's just that when W wants to take away time from me and my S's without giving back, to balance the scales again for their sake, I am astonished at how callous she has become. Right now they are still quite very young, and they need both of us to be good parents and good models for them. But some day they will be all grown, much sooner than we'll be ready for. There'll be plenty of time later to focus more fully on myself. Right now is a critical, formative time in their lives.
That's why I am going to push back and stand firm for my original goal of 50-50 custody, this time with 7 days on, 7 days off. I am not going to play these games with W anymore.
This still won't be easy, by any stretch, but it should bring things more back into balance for all of us.
