I agree with Elusive..the OW is NOT worth your thoughts!! If you know your H is sorry for what he did and if he is doing all he can to make it up to you and actively working toward making your marriage better,you can't allow thoughts of this B**** hinder your progress (easy to say I know). I was afraid at first that thoughts of my H being intimate with the XOW would interfere when we resumed the physical part of our relationship (which I am relieved to say was just a few days after I discovered the A and he called her and broke it off). I forced my mind to consentrate on the fact that I loved my H,he loved me,he was with me and how good it felt to be close with him (and the way he was making me feel). It was easy for me and I really can't explain why. Oh,I did later have these crazy thoughts about the XOW. Even though I knew she wasn't young,slim,trim and pretty I wondered if she was "better in bed",did she do the same things for and to him that I do,was her body better (she looked a tad plump but I knew I was overweight and had lots of stretch marks) and a few other assorted things. But as I said over time,those thoughts have vanished. I never think abpout her while we are being intimate. I mentioned these things to my H once when we were having a good talk and he did what he could to reassure me. By the way I have lost 80 pounds since I learned of the A and it ended!! I did it FOR ME!! My self esteem has never been all that great and when I discovered the A it sunk to an all time low. The weight loss and a few other changes have helped me tremendously. My H reaps the benefits but I did it for myself. Your H needs to maybe do more to reassure you of his love and affection for you. He needs to show you that you are desirable to him. I really feel that if he does these things,in time you will see that the thoughts of the XOW have all but disappeared. People can tell you what they do or what they would do in your situation but the bottom line is YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!! ONLY YOU CAN DETERMINE WHAT YOU CAN OR CAN'T DEAL WITH!! Time is on your side - I am living proof that it can get better with time!! Take your time,move forward at your own pace and take things one day and one step at a time!! I'll be here for you and will have you in my thoughts and prayers!! pfroglady