Sandi's Here in Piecing from Almost WAW

[Dom R]

Sandi, I'm not blaming you for "not remembering every detail".

I'm saying that it doesnt make sense to say "well, it doesnt work", when you cant remember what exactly "it" is.

If you cant remember, seems like the logical thing to do, would be to rediscover what "it" is. However, your reply seems to indicate, that you are not interested either in rediscovering what "it" is that doesnt work, nor are you interested in experimenting with what might work.

just b/c I said it did not work well for me and my H.....you say I don't want to work on my M! Ok, that is your opinion.

Your reaction, underscores my "opinion".

I wrote a lot of stuff in my post.
Instead of looking at the positive, solution-oriented stuff that I wrote, and thinking, "Hey, i may not agree with all of what he wrote, but there is something I could usefully pursue here";
you chose to pick a fight/play the victim instead.
In doing that, you have successfully avoided talk about things that you could work on to improve your marriage.
You did not write one line, in reply to the 25+ lines I wrote on potential positives for your future.

To repeat, with emphasis:

When faced with a choice between examining potential solutions/improvements to your marriage, or putting up barriers to improving your marriage (by derailing positive discussion on things you could work on )
you chose the anti-productive path, exclusively.

To have a useful discussion about your marriage here, AS WELL AS in order to have a good marriage ... you have to be willing to focus on the positive, and overlook the negative to some degree.

You dont seem to be willing to do that.

[sandi2]

Well, Dom, if that is the way you see me, then we need to just end it. I don't agree with what you have said or the solutions....if that is what you call it.

You did not write one line, in reply to the 25+ lines I wrote on potential positives for your future.

I don't know that the heck the 25 lines of

potential positives

you are talking about.

I can't believe you actually went back to count the lines! I don't think I saw those. The only thing that I remember you giving that I thought were your instructions were the same ones you gave over in SSM.

Sandi... there are only a few limited ways you can interact with your H when you need someting, generally speaking. hopefully, i will cover all of them:

("I want something...")

I deserve it as a person
I deserve it as your wife
It would make me really happy if...
It would make me really UNhappy if....
I'll give you something, if you give this to me

I guess we just can't get on the same page, DomR.

I have been upbeat ever since I've come back to Piecing and I feel like you just smashed me down.If I went back to pick apart everything I've asked or said that you never made a reply to....then we would be back and forth on this forever. You were the one I turned to in my excitement last Saturday when at last I felt the first bit of hope. Did you say one word about that? No, in fact, you never said, "Glad to hear it....happy the depression is lifting"....nothing. So don't get up in the air about my not replying to particular things you have stated. Remember the time you asked me one question and I had not been back to my thread in a day and you kept pushing until other people began to tell you to lay off?

You never believed I was in MLC; I felt I could not make you understand or get you to accept the fact that depression goes hand in hand with Fibromyalgia; I don't recall that you ever said anything about or believed it could be chemical depression; (I will agree that my envirnment adds a great deal to it.); and now you do not believe I am ready to work on my M. And, if fact, that is the message I am getting in your posts ever since I've come back over here. Why? B/c I came back to Piecing? The other people seem to be happy for me, why can't you? B/c you think I have made no progress. Well, honey, it has been one hell of a year for me, so I don't care if you believe it or not.....I have made progress.

Then you reminded me how much time and effort you have put into trying to help me. However, it seems to be either Dom's way or no way. I am tired of the arguring. I am tired of trying to get you to understand or to see that your way does not always work with every single person. Apparently you are tired of me not being "ready to work on my M" and doing all that your great wisdom has told me to do.

You spoke of me not being solotion-based....why...b/c I don't do it your way? A little arrogrant, don't you think? As I've told you in the past, you are very pushy--almost to the point of demanding. You even practically pushed me out of the Piecing forum, the last time i came here, and started a place over in the SSM for me. See, I don't forget everything, but, you may say you don't recall that!

To accuse me of not being able to relay word for word or play by play of something that might have happened 30 years ago is b/c it is an excuse and it's really all about my "feelings", I think is bunk. I rememember things and the events, Dom, but not to the point that I want to try to put it all down on paper so you will have the scoop! However, you think it is just an excuse. Ok.....fine. But don't tell me that I don't want to work on my M. And, don't tell me that I have not done anything to change.

You do a lot of talking to others about their stitch....giving Dr. Dom's advice and yet you tell very little about your own. When asked once, you said that you did not want your S to read what you had to say some day. Well, has it ever occurred to you that I might have the same problem????

I'm through DomR. Thanks for all the time you have put into trying to "help" me with my M. But, now you can go work on your own.

[Lanzo]

Hi Sandi/Dom R

I was going to jump in when Sandi first moved over to piecing cos my initial thought was Wow!! is this guy hounding Sandi.

I thought the first post from Dom should have started and ended with this.

Glad you feel comfortable enough in your marriage now, to post here,

And the second should have started and ended with this.

let me also add, that I am really happy to hear the more positive side of things between you and your H still! YOu have improved things between you two a whole lot in the last few months. Way to go!!

From the outside looking in all the subsequent stuff written just seem like someone was being brow beaten (almost bullied) into accepting a different way of thinking.

We're all here to help and support each other, but if the advise given is not being received well, then we should be able to hold our hands up and say well that's my point of view and we'll leave it at that.

So Dom, I've read a lot of good strong advise you've offered out to others, but maybe on the subject of Sandi's MLC or not you should draw a line in the sand and say well that's my point of view and we'll leave it at that, but I'm here to help if you need me.

Ok I dont want to start a posting war but thats my 2 pennies worth

Lanzo

[ann25]

Hi Sandi,

Don't have a lot of time, but I just wanted to say that I am super happy for you that when you reached out to your H and kinda broke down that he responded in kind. that's awesome. I can only imagine how much that must have meant and how good it must have felt. Here's hoping mine will do it one day!!

how are you feeling now? still good, I hope?

ann

[sandi2]

Hi Ann, you are always so supportive and you'll never know how much that means to me. Yes it meant the world to me to see my H respond with some real emotion! He didn't say but a couple of words....but his tears said it all.

I have to go b/c it is coming a storm. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

[Dr LOve]

Hey Sandy,,

I'm happy for you.... I think you are like me. WE will know when WE are ready for the next move to piece our marriages. I think both of us are ready and are doing it. (the working on our marriages). but it's is like a house of cards. Every move needs to be planed and when we are ready for the next step. we take a deep breath and go for it. one step at a time.....

Dr Love (husband)

[OG_Lou]

Hi Sandi. Here is a copy of likely my final message posted on the SSM forum

There were some very good people here at one time, that helped lots of posters and each other. Right now there is a vacuum here. I hope some new people can get this forum going again.

I don't post much here any more and miss what we had.

I am on the new site and it is thriving.

I read part of this thread. Good to se some peace in your life Sandi.

Lou

[sandi2]

Lou, I wish you wouldn't leave. I will miss you a lot. You were a good friend and helped me through a bad time. Thank you so much.

God bless you,
Sandi

[sandi2]

To husband (Dr. Love) and Ann,

I am feeling better emotionally.....oh so much better! I knew that I could not get in gear for certain things until the time was right and I was right. As I said before, there was some work to do on the inside of me. As you know, I have gone through a long time of depression. The doctors tried me on several different types of AD meds but nothing seem to help. The Zoloft may have helped, but I can't get into any of my clothes! Besides, it was really beginning to affect my sex drive....so if I ever do have sex (lol), I want to be ready! Anyway, I am on the regular Welbutrin and it seems to be doing me some good. I hope it continues. My biggest problems for several weeks now has been my Fibromyalgia. If I can ever get my physical and mental self in sync.......I'll be doing pretty good!

It has been a slow go for me and my H, but we are gradually getting there. Some folks don't get there at all, so I'm not going to complain about the length of time. He seems to be calm and satisfied with the way things are going, so it will get better.

I have come to realize that a life long partner is very valuable. Even though you go through trying times.....and sometimes they can drive you completely nuts.....still when you both find yourself reaching a certain age....it is just kind of sweet to come home at the end of a hard day and know you don't have to put on a "front" or do anything "special" to please that other person......you both can rest & relax and know in your heart and soul that they will be there to take care of you when the time comes. Going through what I have physically makes me think about things like that. When I was in such a "fog" with the OM thing......MLC or whatever it was.....I didn't even want to think about that. Instead, I wanted to feel "young"....but I wasn't! And, how could I be assured he would take care of me if I got down? I couldn't. But, I know this man I am married to and I know he will take care of me and I plan on being here to take care of him.

I appreciate both of you and how you have made me feel better about this. Thank you.

Sandi

[OG_Lou]

sandi one of my friends tried to register to post on DB and now new registers have to pay $300 for come coaching sessions. If this is the policy, don't expect many new people to sign up.

Lou