New year, new thread, new attitude!

[Upside]

na-
How did your date go? Wow, a week of having your H spend the night...sounds like things are moving in the right direction for you. Keep us posted.

<3
Upside

[new_attitude]

Hi UD,

Thanks for checking in on me. The night out went well, we had a good dinner and went to a movie. He said that we should do date night more often. I agreed.

I'm at a point where I feel like things are going well, but I'm so hopeful for more, specifically a little physical affection. I know I shouldn't push, but I can't help but feel anxious about that huge piece that is missing from our r. Should I bring it up to him? Wait for our next C session (next week)? Start walking around the house scantily clad? Advice? please!

[Upside]

Hey na-
I am by far no expert here but I think being "suggestive" with out verbally suggesting is the best way to go. Flirt and dress sexy...give your H compliments (without going over-board). If your H is okay with being touched, give him a back rub. Your H is sometimes sleeping in the same bed right? Put on a little perfume and wear some new lingerie to bed.

Now the hard part is when you do all this and your H doesn't react quite the way you think he should, you have to let it go...<sigh>...remember no expectations!

Now, if all else fails and you decide to bring it up in MC don't make it seem like it is a big issue...you don't want to bruise his already fragile ego...maybe say something like "I was thinking it might be nice if..."

It seems like things are going well so try to have a little fun seducing your H...

<3
Upside

[peacetoday]

NA
I think UD has great points
I would try to suggest it through subtle actions
get a book that may give you new ideas?
no talks
and yes be patient and prepared for nothing just in case H isnt ready
Your H is moving it seems in the right direction, and michelle has it in her book how it takes time for the WAS to have physical affection again(I forgot which story)In MLC carol and deaN?
good luck
peace
peace

[new_attitude]

Hi UD and peace,
Thanks for the suggestions and the reminders to be subtle. I have a huge fear of rejection, so I am taking it slow. I can't even imagine putting on something sexy- it would feel so obvious that I was trying to seduce him. I'm a flannel pj kind of girl.

H gave me a kiss on the lips when he left last night, it felt good because I sensed that he wanted to before he did it. He's been around alot less this week than last, so maybe he's backing off a bit. There's really nothing I can do but let him back off and see what happens, stay postive, etc.

[peacetoday]

NA
yes let him go at his pace but the positives are there
I am excited b/c there seems to be a lot of movement with some of our H lately( mine will move in my direction soon I hope)
Alot of posters are seeing signs
Just wish I would see a little one!
happy for you!
Peace

[Upside]

na-
IMO, it is okay that your H hasn't been around as much this week. He still needs time and space to work through things...to heal. There is so much more going on underneath the surface than we know. Just continue to be patient with no pressure.

Oh, and maybe you don't need to be modeling something from Victoria's Secret for your H...maybe just wear something silky...or something that exposes a little more skin so when you brush up against him he might think a little. Besides, a little change is good sometimes...right???

<3
Upside

[new_attitude]

Hi peace- I'm hoping you start to see some positive signs too. You really deserve the best. I think you are handling your sitch so well, so try to hang in there!

UD- Yes, you're right! I had a new pair of jeans on on Sat, and h touched my butt! I'm lol while typing this, but hey, it's something for this starved-for-affection girl to put in the "baby step" category.

H was here for the whole weekend (Friday after work to late last night, Sunday). He fell asleep on the couch on Friday and spent the night there. He planned to stay on Sat, and came up to bed after I was already asleep. Weekend went OK. He got a little stressed at the kids a few times, but was OK toward me. I finished our taxes and was angry when I saw that we owe $, mostly because he changed his withholding last year when he moved out. Grr... I handled it OK though, I guess. He said he felt bad about it and would pay the taxes. Money continues to be a big issue.

We kissed goodbye last night before he left.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey New, I feel bad, I think I used to check on you, but I must have lost your thread at some point.

thanks for the post on mine!

I don't remember anything about your thread right now, but let me ask you this.

Did you ever initiate in bed before? before the sitch? not in the beginning, but the times leading up to the sitch? If you were like me and a lot of women, we get insecure and start wearing more comfy clothes and less sexy clothes, we are tired more because of kids, and sex kinda gets put on the backburner. If that's the case, then by all means attack your husband! I would really be surprised if he didn't receive it well. Now if he has some kind of physical problem causing him a complex about ML, then that's a whole diff issue, but IMHO, guys want us to be sexy, look good for us, initiate sometimes, and just be that "crazy-good-girl" in bed.

The only thing you HAVE to make sure of, is what UD said. You HAVE to keep expectations at zero and not let any rejection put you down. you have to play it like, oh well, too bad for you, you woulda loved it! or You won't be able to reject THIS for long!

I think this really depends though on how your sexual R with your H was before the sitch.

[new_attitude]

Hi ST! Thanks for stopping by.

Did you ever initiate in bed before? before the sitch? not in the beginning, but the times leading up to the sitch?

I tried to initiate several months ago, before he moved out and I was turned down. So, that keeps popping into my mind, even though things are going much better now than they were then. I guess I don't want to screw things up any more. Also, I initiated the last "real" time we were together, which seems like many, many moons ago- probably about a year ago...

Now if he has some kind of physical problem causing him a complex about ML, then that's a whole diff issue, but IMHO, guys want us to be sexy, look good for us, initiate sometimes, and just be that "crazy-good-girl" in bed.

I don't think there's any physical problem. And, he did say that he was still attracted to me a couple of months ago in JC.

I may wait a bit before really trying to initiate something. Right now I think I would be too crushed if he turned me down- if I can get to the mindset that UD mentioned, with no expectations, then I'm sure I will have no problem going for it.