Quoting jethro: Char really struck a chord here...
jethro
didn't know I am a guitar player did you?
no seriously...
Marriage vows go something like cherish and obey, forsaking all others...
Cherish comes first (eeghad, charcoal, listen to yourself). But I don't think these vows are intended to have rank, meaning, i don't think one has precedence over the other... I know, easy for me to say, but... H can say "you forsook me!!!" and I can come right back with "you didn't cherish me!!!" The thing I need to do is forget about all that past stuff and cherish H today, and I do, I just forget to sometimes when I'm mad.
I think JJ said some really good stuff. Focusing on today, not sharing all your feelings with your spouse. I don't know your W, but since she is there, and is trying to "do" whatever she can to "get right", then she absolutely must be trying to work out whatever feelings pertaining to om. If you want her to love you, you have to let her make that choice all by herself. Otherwise, it'll be 1/2 @$$ed and based on fear rather than open and actually "hers".
"After the Affair" tells the straying spouse that it could take a long, long time to get over the OP. To just be still with it and let it pass.
more of just my opinion which apparently flows like wine today
