went to 'my room' and have been sitting here on my laptop for a while. W came in for her 'bathroom stuff' and was all smiles. She's happy because she is 'taking action'.
My head is spinning a little. Here I am again. I crashed my life again, or actually I just never took care of myself and ended up here again. Either way I'm here.
She has all her 'friends' and her EA buddy to help her feel better because she is free of "that man who is always a mess, and who has ruined us financially". Now she can grow and be happy. She's almost free.
This is probably all for the best. I did let myself become pretty hopeless. And it went on too long. At times I cannot blame her, who wants to stay in an unhappy and stressful relationship. I know I didn't want to. It took me too long to realize only I could help myself, that she wasn't able to and we had no support group who would help either.
She's so happy to be done with me. I have to keep reminding myself that it isn't ME she is done with, it's the situation and the stress. I'm not a bad man, I'm a man who needed help and didn't know how to get help.
I got help now and even though it's too late for my marriage, I can still live a good life from now on. I can spend time with my daughters so they really get to know their dad and fell safe.
D12 came into 'my room' across the hall from her room about 10:30 pm. She said she couldn't sleep but she was really feeling sad because Mom was not in the bedroom any more.
I told her to lie down and I held her while she cried a little. She didn't want to talk, just to cry.
I took her back into her room and held her a little longer and assured her that Dad would be here, and we'd be all right. And that Mom is right downstairs if she needs her too.
She went to sleep after a few minutes.
Then about 10 minutes later, our old German Shepard mix dog came into the room and stared at me. She needed to be petted and reassured too. Then she went into my closet and decided she was going to sleep there tonight. Weird dog.
I feel bad, but also a bit better I guess because I am resigned to my fate. It would be better if W wasn't so angry, but she is.
Frank, Dealing with our own pain is a cakewalk compared to having to watch our kids suffer. We can make decisions but they can't, everything is done to them. I know that sad feeling. I remember in January when my D was having problems in school and W and I had been separated about two months. I just sat and cried because she was obviously in pain and I couldn't do anything about it. I told a friend on the phone that I just wanted to move my stuff back into my home and take the pain for my kids, I know I wouldn't do that but I sure wanted to. It's hard but just remember that this too shall pass. Take care of yourself so you can be there for them. Your attitude is the right one, Frank. You can get to know your kids better and make a great life for yourself. It will happen!
This morning D12 is staying home from school. W cames and stand in the doorway of 'my room' and tells me in a 'neutral' voice that D12 is staying home today for a 'mental health day' because she isn't feeling very good right now.
I sat with her in her room for a couple minutes and she's just depressed, reading a book. I'll take her for a hike or something a little later.
W talked to me for a moment a little while ago, telling me her schedule for today. She was irritated when I wasn't enthusiastic in my conversation. I'm sure it's annoying for her to live with her 'husband' who is not thrilled with the way life is going. She'll be so happy to be free of that burden. So she can 'fly' and 'thrive' instead of just 'survive'.
Her fantasy is that she will "fly" and "thrive", the reality is often a bit different than the fantasy. They tend to exaggerate our power in making their lives miserable. My W is just as miserable as when I was still there, so obviously I wasn't the sole cause of her unhappiness. I'm sure you played your part, and you are certainly honest about that, but she had a role to play too and is choosing to bail rather than try out the new and improved Frank. You did NOT make this happen. Hey, the hike will do you both good today! Enjoy it.
. It would be better if W wasn't so angry, but she is.
Not sure if it'll help. My so-called H is as good as pie, talking fine, using the pet name for me as usual, ARGHH!!! all is fine with him, I sometimes wish he were a jerk to remind me things are not fine and that we are D (though I bet I'd complain if it were that way).
Glad your D feels secure with you and is able to express her sadness (it's good for her to let it out even though her tears prob break your heart). My prayers your way, feeling down too, but this too shall pass, it just has to!
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Did you Frank? Have you made the decision to end your marriage? Have you stopped being a provider?
Perception tends to become our reality. Take care in thinking thoughts like this too much. Accept your responsibility, assume none of hers.
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She has all her 'friends' and her EA buddy to help her feel better
First of all, and you know this, but her friends are hardly friends. Trust me, you are better off with NO friends than to have friends like hers.
Secondly, while I know it pisses you off and hurts like hell, there's way too much talk about the EA guy. It beats the snot out of you and leaves you in a bad frame of mind. Bad at least for someone who is trying his level best to move forward and clear his head.
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I feel bad, but also a bit better I guess because I am resigned to my fate.
Which is your wife leaving and you being alone? Good. Be fine with it, but make sure you mean it before you say it. You and I both know that this is the crucial part of pulling your head out of your arse long enough to do something productive with yourself.
Frank, I truly understand that you are in agony right now. I completely get that every action by this woman sticks another dagger straight in to your heart. We've said this before - this woman is seriously toxic to you right now.
Find someone Frank. Join a Divorce support group, start going to church (a church of your own, not the neo-church wife goes to), get yourself out somewhere will you will make a companion. For now, reach out to your kids. Because you need someone in your life Frank.
For crying out loud, I'll just blurt it right out. Talk to HIM. You've got some kind of background of faith, so this is not all new territory for you.
Time to step up to the plate my friend. Time for the visits from the friends who are NOT friends of the marriage to end. Hell Frank, she doesn't have to like it. It's a matter of it being YOUR home as well as hers, and it's a matter of self-preservation. I'd go so far as to encourage HER to go spend a few nights with her friend instead.
I guess it just seems to me like it's time for strong Frank to step in and take a turn at bat. Show her the guy that can build a company, the guy who can turn a project over before the deadline. And most of all, do it because it's good for YOU.
She's killing you, you know that, right?
Slowly but surely, she is killing you.
That should piss you off.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
For crying out loud, I'll just blurt it right out. Talk to HIM. You've got some kind of background of faith, so this is not all new territory for you.
After work today I'm gonna have it printed. My new T-Shirt that says "Bworl Rocks".
I will send you one, Frank.
Frank with all due respect and consideration, there is an enemy that entered your family many, many years ago. The intent was to destroy you before you ever rose to where God meant for you to be the day he formed you in your mother's womb and numbered every hair on your head. That enemy came in swift and established a stronghold in your life before you even entered Kindergarten. He entered through the people a child is born to love and trust the most; your mother, father, grandmother.... They betrayed the innocent trust of an innocent child and set the course for your life. You have been TAUGHT that you can not believe in that which you can not see, touch and make sense of with your finite mind but I am here to tell you, that is EXACTLY what you HAVE to believe in now. NOT for your marriage, but to stop a course of events that will also take your children.
This has been, is presently and will continue to be, the one route in which the enemy keeps you away from the Truth. But just in case that wasn't enough to hold you down, he has now surrounded your family, ensnared it, with tentacles of the occult- and no matter how much "spirit" talk it allows, it will never be the Light of a true and risen Savior nor will you be led to Him through it. Your wife brought that into your home. In ignorance yes, granted, but why do you suppose you are the one being spoken to about that which is contrary to what she brought in, Frank? Do you think everything is just random and coincidental?? WAKE UP.
I have watched from afar and even when I've wandered off lost again myself - I have always seen clearly your real situation but I have been afraid to say so because the backlash will be fierce. Thing is, today, I don't care about backlash. Someone has to tell you. Today it is going to be me.
There is a call on your life but at best, at this rate, you will never rise to it because you're missing the One thing that will push you ahead the rest of the pack, Frank.
Jesus Christ.
Nothing happens by accident.
Your entire life has a purpose ordained by the creator of everything that IS in this whole world and He is orchestrating your heartfelt realization of it right at this very moment. Everything you have been through, you have been through in order that you would be HERE...IN THIS MOMENT...Where you get to choose, like everyone else, who will you serve, Frank?
