Yesterday I went running after work, when I got home I had 3 missed calls from H. I called him back and he was out having a drink, he said he was calling to see if I wanted to join him. I said sure and I met up with him. We actually had a GREAT time and neither one of us were ready to leave....but we are slaves to the tv and had to watch Lost . So, we made a deal to go back out tonight.
After the show was over we talked a little. He thanked me for the card and said it was really sweet and he said it made him feel good.
Then he commented on how much I have been running lately and how good I was doing. I told him that I guess being measured for my bridsmaid dress gave me new motivation. He asked when the wedding was and I told him and then said I would like for him to go with me and he said he would. I don't think the wedding will be near as hard for me with H there.
So then after that there was some fooling around . H apologized for not wanting to go farther, but said his AD's have left him with no sex drive. When I left he hugged me tight for a long time, it was like he didn't want to let go. I couldn't help it, but the tears started flowing. I am not even sure why. It just felt so good for him to hold me like that.
It was a great night and I am really looking forward to tonight.
That is so great that he accepted your invitation to the wedding! I think that's a wonderful step forward. Shows that he's comfortable with how things are going between the two of you. Excellent!
I'm so happy your night together went very well! Hope tonight's even better.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Thanks Gf. I am actually looking forward to tonight with H. I really think he is too. I just really feel like he is getting back to his old self...the man I fell in love with.
I am glad he is willing to go to the wedding but I will try not to be disappointed if it falls through. It is not until June and a lot can happen between now and then, or he could even have to work. Its good that he is willing to go though.
We are both definitely getting more comfortable around each other. I think it shows in our body language as well as our conversations.
This weekend was pretty good. H and I went out on Friday night and I actually ended up staying the night at his place. We had a good time and even sang karaoke...which was interesting. I am horrible, but it was fun. Oh yeah, Friday night we saw one of my friends from high school. He really couldn't hide the shock on his face that H and I were together...small town. There is no telling what he has heard about us. My H even mentioned that he seemed shocked and then asked if it bothered me that people knew. I told him that it did a little bit, but there was nothing I could do about it...so no reason to dwell on it.
We went out again Saturday night. Although I kind of wished that I had done my own thing. I don't need to get back in the habit of doing things only with him.
I also feel myself kind of taking a dip. I want so much more from him. I feel myself resenting him a bit because I am giving so much and trying so hard...and he isn't.
Another reason I am resenting him is because he is living alone...while I am living with my mother and all my stuff is crammed in one room. I have no privacy and I can't even find my things because I have no room to unpack. I can't afford to live somewhere else because I am paying the full mortgage payment and bills on our house in TX. I am also helping him with his rent and car payment...which I told him I would do. I don't mind helping him, it just isn't fair that he gets to live alone. Ok, that is my whining for the day.
Oh yeah, I fell at work today. I work in a plant and the part I was in was really oily so everything was slick. I was coming down some stairs and slipped and fell right on my butt. All the stairs were slippery so I just slid all the way down. It HURT. It even hurts to sit down. Maybe I should get one of those donut things to sit on. ...Ok, NOW I am done whining.
Awwwww. I'm sorry to hear about your fall. Although, at least you landed on your butt instead of falling face first or breaking something. I hope you feel better soon.
re: money. Now that he is working more hours, maybe you guys should re-discuss the finances? Also, since things seem to be progressing, albeit slowly, perhaps he won't be living alone for all that much longer.
I'm sure living out of a small room with your mom is very cramped and stressful. I did that for a month after the bomb. Would your finances allow you to live alone for a couple months as a transition between living with your mom and possibly moving back with your H? Or do you think he would see that as a mixed signal? Or do you not want to do that?
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Well, my butt is hurting more by the minute. My feet just slipped out from under me...really slippery. I didn't even have time to brace my fall...which is probably better. If I had used my hand I probably would have hurt or even broken my wrist. My ego got bruised a bit too since there were some people around. Oh well...just have to laugh it off.
With the house in TX I don't have the money to move out of my mom's house. While H was still in the AF he was paying half of everything as well as his whole car payment. Now, not only does he not have the money to pay half....he doesn't have the money for the car or his rent. I told him I would help him with those two things until he gets back on his feet. Hopefully he will be able to start doing that next month.
If the house would sell, I would probably buy another one here. Right now, even if I had the extra money I probably wouldn't move out on my own...I would rather save money for a while. It just gets a little stressfull sometimes. I am sure it is no picnic for my mother either, but she has been great.
I'll get over it...it is just a fleeting resentment.
Yeah, I think it is justifiable...but I only get frustrated about it every now and then.
H just called and he got the job he has been interviewing for!!! He starts tomorrow. With this job he will definitely be able to take care of his bills. He also told me that he wants to keep the job at the restaurant to try to pay off some bills. He ran up a couple of credit cards when we separated and he definitely needs to take care of those.
I may have been more excited than him. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I mean I have really been worried about him having the money to eat. Now maybe I can let go of my worrying about him. He needs to take care of himself. I think he needs to prove to himself that he can do it alone.
. So, we made a deal to go back out tonight. 
. H apologized for not wanting to go farther, but said his AD's have left him with no sex drive. When I left he hugged me tight for a long time, it was like he didn't want to let go. I couldn't help it, but the tears started flowing. I am not even sure why. It just felt so good for him to hold me like that. 
It HURT.