Hey all. Geez...where to get off this rollercoaster? We continued our R talk this morning... But I want to respond to you guys before getting into that.
Quoting Sage:My suggestion? Don't shut up completely...keep thanking her for A, B and C. Just don't mention D right now (really).
Yup. That's what I plan on doing. Guess I'm not validating enough...or not doing it right.
Quoting LL:try not to dwell too much on the words w has used with her friend...sit and think back a while jethro...have the same questions and doubts entered your mind?
I am trying to do that, LL. And I understand her having doubts because I certainly have them... It's the combination of lying, acting distant, and accidentally seeing OM (more than once) that does not sit well with me.
Quoting SBH-SAM:I did realize this as my 2nd A began to dwindle, and I've always believed that if you truly love someone when you get married (which SBH&I DEFINITELY did) you can work through anything.
Ohhh...SAM, she'd say something like she's always felt very close to me as a good friend and not REALLY loved me like a lover should. Thing is, she has intimacy issues, which I believe create this block in her towards me (and anyone else for that matter)...and she kind of realizes this...thankfully.
Quoting jim_van:This is tough, you got some insight to her thinking right now. Maybe it would be best to take that and adjust how you're approaching things?
I agree wholeheartedly. I will use this information to my advantage.
So, like I mentioned, this morning we had further R discussions. She brought it up because I wasn't going to go there. Thankfully, it ended up being productive. I went into my "DB zone" where I take myself when things start getting hairy. It's a bit ethereal. In any case, she said that yes, she has been having a hard time lately, and like any M, there are ups and downs. And yes, she still wonders if I'm the one. But she also thinks that it's a block on her part...some kind of defensive mechanism that prevents intimacy. She said that when things are really good, she kind of sabotages them. Additionally, she said it's hard for her to open up to me because of how I used to be... She also assured me that she would NEVER see OM again and is fully committed to our R (the lying still gets to me, however). I did my best to validate all of the things I noticed that she's changed, and how differently she is acting these days.
She went on to suggest that we get away for a long weekend or something...just the two of us. This was a nice gesture. Her point was we just need some down-time together to refresh ourselves.
But, this damn lying is really bothering me. I suppose, if I think about it, she is doing it because she doesn't want to open wounds. She's also probably afraid of how I'll react. Maybe she's protecting me, as well as herself. I don't know...I just want her to come clean.
