Ummmm....never heard this. Not from anybody I ever talked to, in ANY meetings or groups, or from any in-depth conversations with my H. But I could understand it...
Maybe resentment with a little jealousy thrown in for good measure??? Sounds to me like she is mad/resentful/jealous bcuz you don't have the (addictive/psychologic) problems that she has. Life is going 'relatively' ok for you. New car, vacation, kids she doesn't really have a R with, house, clear mind....everything. She also sounds like she is afraid of you judging her (negatively) no matter what she says or does. That is a HUGE fear and one that I have heard many, many times from every addict I have spoken with....H included.
How to handle??? Depends on what you really want to do. If you are not going to pursue your relationship with your W then....let it roll off like water on polyester. If you're gonna stick by her and work on the M, then this is where you have to be real strong and like they say here....VALIDATE. A Lot...you will have to reassure her, not pass judgement in any way...all that. And it's DAMN HARD...trust.
If this is the case then the time will come for you to express how you feel, address your anger and resentment...but now is not the time. Just like you have to be strong right now to deal with her resentment of you, she will have to be strong enough to deal with your resentment of her...well...her actions (not her personally). She is not strong enough to deal with that right now.
