Vacillations of a WAW Come Home IV

[sage]

Hey jethro -- Sorry you feel like hurling I DO think you got a bunch of good info to work with AND you answered your own questions in your post...

She actually did write to divorcee that she's thinking about OM less and less, but she still doubts our R. They were correponding about saying ILY, and how I mentioned this to my W, and how my W says it to me when she feels it, but at no other time. Divorcee writes something like, "depends if the love is based on friendship or based on lover." W responds back, "definitely friendship." WTF?

So, what to do guys? I'm wondering if I need to reread DR and go back to step 1 here. Maybe I'm saying too much too soon, even though she seems ready to hear it. You know, I really feel like I don't want to work on this junk anymore if all I'm going to get is someone who "likes" me...that feels like a friend. I feel like my W really needs to grow up here.

This is what I mean by answering your own question....yes, yes, yes to rereading DB and getting your focus back. Your w. is thinking less and less about om but isn't quite sure about your r. That's where YOU come in, right? As crappy as it may feel or sound or whatever, can you put aside your desires/needs for your w. to be "doing more" and focus all of your energy on db'ing? Figuring out what works, etc? It probably doesn't seem "fair" after all this time, right but the goal is...?

Also found out that I'm not communicating how I feel very well to her because she keeps interpreting what I'm saying as her not doing enough to help fix our R. I guess I'd better tread very carefully with these conversations. This came up numerous times in her e-mails...how she wasn't doing enough, etc. I guess telling her "thanks for A, B, and C, but if I got D it would be that much better" doesn't work. Time to shut up and put up.

My suggestion? Don't shut up completely...keep thanking her for A, B and C. Just don't mention D right now (really).

I'm so sick of the lies, the not in love BS, the half-truths. I feel like I'm gonna hurl.

I'm sorry. What have you done for YOU lately to make YOU feel good?

Sage