Ahh...I want to thank everyone for their responses, but I have just learned that I have a bigger fish to fry...much to my disappointment.
So...I was snooping on my W's e-mail tonight. Yes, I've done it a couple of times. No, I'm not proud of it. Thing is, guess what I saw? Well, she was writing her divorcee friend (who knows about her A) and told her that she saw OM again last night. Now, this was a coincidence...not on purpose. She was just running and the jerk happened to be driving by in his flippin truck or something. I'm not even sure that they talked, as her e-mail didn't say anything about that...
When I first found out about her A, I told her that I expect her to never see OM again, and if she did by happenstance, then she needs to tell me. Well, in my subtlest way I tried to bring certain things up that would give her the opportunity to admit to these "encounters." She flatly denied seeing him. I even brought up the "accidental" thing and she still denied it. It was all I could do not to say anything.
We ended up having quite the R talk. My concerns about her seeing OM, my concerns about her not telling me the truth, and my concerns about her not sharing her feelings lately. Because I'll tell you what, she's been distancing herself from me the last few weeks. Perhaps OM encounters? But, I also really wanted to know where her head was...
She went on to tell me that sometimes she feels fine and sometimes not; it's a rollercoaster for her too, and there will just be times like this. Let's keep our eyes on the road ahead of us...blah...blah...blah... Thing is, she tells me one thing and something a little different to her divorcee friend...read on...
At some point, I finally got her to open up to me a bit and she said something like she's just trying to process things because I'm the only one she's really ever had an R with, that she's gone out on dates with, etc. And without saying it, she wonders if I'm the one. Thing is, she's had any number of R's with OM...they were just a bit twisted, but she won't see that, twisted or not, they were still Rs.
Naturally, after our R talk and her falling asleep, I snooped some more. She actually did write to divorcee that she's thinking about OM less and less, but she still doubts our R. They were correponding about saying ILY, and how I mentioned this to my W, and how my W says it to me when she feels it, but at no other time. Divorcee writes something like, "depends if the love is based on friendship or based on lover." W responds back, "definitely friendship." WTF?
So, what to do guys? I'm wondering if I need to reread DR and go back to step 1 here. Maybe I'm saying too much too soon, even though she seems ready to hear it. You know, I really feel like I don't want to work on this junk anymore if all I'm going to get is someone who "likes" me...that feels like a friend. I feel like my W really needs to grow up here.
Also found out that I'm not communicating how I feel very well to her because she keeps interpreting what I'm saying as her not doing enough to help fix our R. I guess I'd better tread very carefully with these conversations. This came up numerous times in her e-mails...how she wasn't doing enough, etc. I guess telling her "thanks for A, B, and C, but if I got D it would be that much better" doesn't work. Time to shut up and put up.
I'm dying to call her on "seeing" the OM and her lying in my face, but what would that do? I'd expose my snooping...but man, it would feel good...
I'm so sick of the lies, the not in love BS, the half-truths. I feel like I'm gonna hurl.
