for me, my libido cycles on a monthly basis, and i've read this is pretty common too.
right after mens.. (eek, we are getting personal aren't we?) anyway, right after that, once, twice, three times a day is good for about 4-5 days...
then, honestly, I'm good for the month pretty much... unless provoked
'course H isn't (good for the month) and doesn't know how to "provoke" so I "give"...
a pattern that's happened here is that for years... even before the kids... H would persue all the time. everyday, with nearly every touch there was a sexual message being conveyed.
It became a REAL turn off! I mean, what is H??? For Pete's Sake! There were times when ll's little pat on the @$$ would send me through the roof! Of course I said things about it, but H never ever ever seemed to get the point...
I MEAN COME ON!!!
So, this is where the rejection started. I felt like an object because all my needs for friendship and help around the house we're totally ignored while H kept poking and grabbing...
I was like, "ick, stop!". That stinks doesn't it? So, I think, had H met more of my needs more of the time, maybe this cycle wouldn't have gotten set up. And, when H was drinking, my sex drive literally DIED. I didn't even fantasize or anything... nothing... now for me? Very unusual. :\
Now, okay, everybody knows what's up now, right? So, now the trick is in breaking the cycle and the old habits that make me reject ~ which HAS happened. Now, i think we just need to build up the touchy feel good sexless moments to get to a point where we're real friends again...
Oh yeah, and one other thing... H doesn't initiate anymore. I've slapped him down so many times now that he's afraid to. And well... passion??? We had a little of that early in the R, but it got out of hand too quickly, we became too familiar too quickly and I think we're paying for that even now.
What I would like, I think, is for H to try is this... if he needs it, to give me that look and say "I need you." I told H we should start saying "need" more often. Like, "honey, I need you to turn on the air conditioner" or "honey, I need you soon, k?" I mean, I think most women respond to need more than want. If we know we're meeting a need, we feel good about ourselves and we know our H's NEED us (in that way). If we get to a point where it's a "want", then, I'm reminded of my step dad saying "how's it feel to want???... tough SH%T". Cause "Everybody Wants Some"... but only your H or your W should NEED you... you know?
Thanks... it's nice to ramble... helps the discovery process... I must go tell H.
