SBH & I had a rough day yesterday, and I'm up in the wee hours partly b/c of anxiety about everything...I'm REALLY working on the sex thing. I DK how much your W is interested/willing to look at herself and why she feels the way she feels, but I've been really trying to notice what my response is when SBH comes on to me. Physical touch is DEFINITELY his primary LL, and I'm finding that it's really tough for me to see it as a loving thing.
Maybe it's just me needing to work on my issues, but I know a lot of women feel this way - for me, it stirs up anxiety and guilt, both about times I've felt out of control and about the As. Not much of a turn on. SBH is being patient about it. I feel like I'm doing real work on it for the first time in my life. Finally.
I ABSOLUTELY believe that "in love" feeling is possible throughout a marriage. I think it comes and goes - at least that's what people say - but I think the reason it goes is because of fear, resentment, all the things you and others have listed here. It's a balance, I guess, of the comfort in routine/predictability, and the intensity of passion. And the hurts of life. No intense feeling lasts forever. Healthy people move through life with feelings ebbing & flowing, ever changing. I guess really healthy people find the peace in trusting that process.
I hope I can do that someday.
I hope you & everyone else can do that, too!
Well, there's my philosophical moment for the day...
