I wish I had the magic wand too. I've been going so back and forth between whether I made the right decision to stand up for myself or whether I should have just not given it any energy and not gotten involved in the conversation. In retrospect, I'd probably do the latter, but I also recognize I would have done that because I was more focused on her rather than me. I also have been accommodating every step of the way and I need to be assertive every now and then, even if that means I say "you crossed the boundaries, that is not okay and if that means we get D then so be it." I just don't know, but it's too late now.
I know I can't compete with OM - thanks for reminding me. I just wish that they were proceeding with a R in a normal manner, but since it's so closely linked with her career, I think she's going to be much more accepting of him - he represents something she can get for herself over the long-term.
But I have to let it go. It's hard, but necessary. I've been trying to decide if I should write her a letter to make sure she knew why I had decided to go along with the D - something along the lines of "I don't want this but with OM in picture, our M can't be saved and you asking me to wait crossed the boundary of what I'm willing to do. Our M is your responsibility as well as mine. I recognize the problems I've brought and want to fix those, but you brought things as well and need to be responsible as well. I love you and if you are willing to end contact with him and return to our M, I'm confident we can create a new, supportive M." But maybe I should just leave it alone. Although I didn't specifically state that she had crossed a boundary, she knows what she asked me and somewhere deep down she knows it isn't right.
Don't know if I act like a good friend or go dark for awhile. Any thoughts? She definitely wants to keep the friendship - because it fulfills something?
