Moved out Sunday...very upset.

[JennyB]

yeah - that was for sure one of our issues - I just viewed him as very lazy...but i totally get what you are saying.

I did resent him very much - after he told me he wanted out, some days he would seem very happy, and others, he would seem miserable...

Depression is something he should look into. He just won't hear of it though.

[JennyB]

I want to make it very clear - I want this to work with H more than anything. When I married him, I meant it.

He knows how I feel, but how can I get this across to him consistently without breaking all of the DB rules, and without having a big R talk? The only catch is that even though I want the marriage, I want it to live up to its potential, not to continue on the same path it was on. I simply cannot live like that anymore.

[Dom R]

He knows how I feel, but how can I get this across to him consistently without breaking all of the DB rules, and without having a big R talk?

if you (re)read the DB book... you'll see that it is all about DOING. Not about talking.

[JennyB]

Good point - will do. This all has to become a habit i guess.

Did you ever have absolutely no hope and then one day, out of the blue, they try to connect again?

At times, I would have been happy to get this all over with. But then it just came over me that I shoulden't give up. Now it's all I think about. Gotta get my but in gear and get MY life in gear. I'll just keep quiet until he brings the D up again.

[minkerman]

Did you ever have absolutely no hope and then one day, out of the blue, they try to connect again?

That happened to me. One day she wanted to accompany me to an event that I was attending solo. That night she said "I don't think we are done yet".

She told me after we reconnected, that she had been "90% out the door, and the door was closing". Unfortunately we tried to rush things because we both got caught up in the good feelings of reconnection, and she got a serious case of cold feet. I pushed too hard, she felt smothered, she put on the brakes.

We are working through that right now.

[JennyB]

Well, it didn't take long for him to suggest moving things forward again.

I went home to grab the dog, and just as I was leaving, he asked me when we are moving forward with the house. I told him I hadn't thought about it again since I left last week. He then asked me to figure it out, and the sooner the better.

I told him that I wasn't comfortable moving something forward that I didn't want.

He acted blindsided that I still wanted to work things out, even though I have made it consistantly clear. He was very angry at me, and said that all of this can't be done with fast enough...

We'll see if he calls to wish me happy birthday...

He said that I had been acting like I

[JennyB]

Update: no birthday call...

A little surprised, but not really...pretty dissapointed.

[Grace_O]

(((((Jenny)))))

Happy Belated Birthday. I know it was disappointing that he didn't call. I hope you did something nice for yourself.

I have to admit, I found it kind of funny (in a dar and twisted kind of way) that he felt blindsided. I think my H is hoping that with more time I'll give up. I'm sure he thinks it would make his world alot better.

Take care sweetie.

[JennyB]

OK - fast forward almost 3 months...

Sold the house, and the closing is tommorow...
Since I moved out at the beginning of March, there has been limited contact - mostly financial/house stuff. He has cut off all contact with our dog, so I have him full time. H says it was just too hard.

This week we spent an evening together getting some things done around the house. I was in the master bedroom, and he was standing at the bottom of the stairs. It was quiet, and he yells up, "by the way, you're looking really good." All I responded with was "thank-you." I couldn't believe it. It was the first compliment he has said in the better part of a year. He was quiet the rest of the night, it actually seemed like this was all hitting him.

Today we were getting ready to leave the house for the last time, and we just sat out on the back deck for a few minutes. At first it was just small talk about his apartment, and how our families are doing. Then, again, he goes quiet, and asks "so, are you seeing anyone?" I said, "No, are you?", Him "No."

That was the end of that. I was a little surprised he asked. Maybe he was hoping I said I was seeing someone, so he could be rid of me.

We got on the subject of divorce and timelines, and he said he would like to get settled into his new place, and go form there. I agreed. One step at a time.

It was so odd leaving the house for the last time. I can describe it as saddness and relief. Everyone tells me it's only bricks and mortar. We could always get another house.

I'm assuming from now on, contact will be limited to legal house stuff, and bills.

Any comments, or suggestions?

[TwinDad]

Jenny,

How was his demeanor while you two were working on the house. The compliment was a nice gesture. I would read him asking if you were seeing anyone as there is still some interest. Him not seeing anyne is a better sign. If you still want your M to work then try a different approach. Havig the limited contact doesn't seem to be working for you for this amount of time. Maybe a call to just see how he si doing what he is up to, maybe be his best friend (it is hard and requires a lot of self sacrifice, but at the end of the day you would like to be your H's best friend...why not start there), help him move in, decorate, etc.

My W and I recently sold our dream house and separated. During that time, I helped her move in, helped her in any way expecting nothing in return. Lately (1 month later) she has already suggested that I move back in and has been having a more positive attitude around me.

Basically I would re-evauate your approach and adjust, it can't hurt at this point.

Best wishes