My husband is having an affair

[alwayshoping]

SO the weekend had it's ups and downs...unfortunately ending on the down. H and I took our son to Jokers on friday night. I actually felt that the evening went well. H seemed to engage in conversation more with me and make eye contact, asking if he could get my food and do nice things. Could be guilt don't know, but regardless it seemed to go well.

After we got home he went out with a buddy of his to catch up and was home by 11:00PM. Saturday morning he woke up and asked it I didn't mind him taking off for the day. I did domewhat, but I said that would be fine as long as he was home by 5:00 as I had plans that evening with some of my girl friends. He came home around 2 that afternoon and seemed a little sad....again I can only guess at why...the )W lives 3 hours away so he didn't see her. But I think he spent time with his father, part of my worries that he is trying to figure out a way to not be in the house anymore. (again we can't financially afford to places until the house would sell and that is taking time due to the market).

Sunday morning he seemed normal...lately that just means that we are cordial and have very casual and meaning less conversation. I had noticed again that )OW called several times while I was not home on the call id and just could hold back. He had mentioned respect on friday and I asked him if out of respect for me that he at least erase the call ID so it didnt have to be right in my face. He agreed and then proceeded to mention that he may have a place he can stay for free. (An uncle house that is not being used about 20 minutes away) and that would make it easier given the situation. Him seeing OW and he told me that he didn't think his feelings were going to change. This just crushes me.

I was truly hoping that by him being in the house and my detaching and hopefully planting small seeds of doubt that he may eventually on his own realize we may have a fighting chance. THis is going to be even harder if he is not in the hosue and I don't even know how to begin explaing what is going on with our 4 year old son. I worry about him and just want to handle that situation as well as possible.

I bounce back and forth between continue with DB ing and other time wanting to lash out and him. which i don't do. He left last night for a couple of days .....gone to spend time with OW.

I truly feel that my sitch is just getting worse and that I am just falling deeper and deeper into depression. I know that I haven't been the best wife. I did a great job of making my H feel worthless and I want to change and have been going to therapy to work on myself. I feel that I am ready to accept resposibility for my wrongs and make them right...which I know would bring back our connection.....we really had a strong connection. And it frustrates me that I felt his heart....everyday up until OW came into the picture.

DOn't know how to proceed....HELP HELP HELP!!!