save a spot, will be here at some point

[cat03]

hey sweets))))))))) thanks so much for you much appreciated support))))))))))
I was feelign pretty insulted by the speed he's taken about the D, such a rush. But he is like that, impulsive and wants thigns down now, even perhaps before he changes his mind again, wanting to sweep it under the rug

he feels it will set him free..

That's all he's been doing for the past years, finding ways to quell his unhappiness.

I was GAL all weekend but felt this powerful sadness all of a sudden, it's even worse if the day is beautiful because I get this joy in my heart to have a great day and I realize I'll now have to do it without him. That perhaps he's havign a great ol' time with ow.
Yes,l've said I feel differently towards him, and I do, while I thought he lived far away without her. But now I realize that he could be with her and that primitive feeling of being jelous rises up. ARGHHH!!! HE still maintains she wants nothing with him, though he was trying to contact her a while ago still (I can hear him now "i'm *really* getting a D for real now!"
I now remember he told me she said to him not to contact her while he was still M. Well, guess all is not lost for them. Found a receipt yesterday on a bag he left here, of a store near her home where he only shops when he's w/her, it is totally out of his way from work/appt and it was a workday, he had no business beign there, which means he prob is even spending the night there.

IT HURTS, damn it, im angry that it hurts, I shouldn't care anymore, they are both worthless, ow tried to mess with his job ,friends, insulted the kids, is/was pretty much a paid whore and STILL!!!! It makes me feel worthless, that he'd prefer to be with someone like that, as if I wastn' his w of 10 yrs, all that down the gutter. While still w/me he'd confessed how disgusted he was she was whoring herself but still angry and hurt that she was doing that, he didnt' say it, but prob felt jelous.

Not a good weekend, still feeling pretty down, work will be heck this week, but I will fit in a visit to a L before mediation.

Putting one foot in front of the other, that's the best I can do today.