sorry I said you need a thread ASAP but I wanted to say something earlier, and got frustrated. If I had your phone number I would have called you to wake you up to open a new thread...
I need to feed my little monsters, it's noon time here and I will get back although I don't have much to advise...
Just a quick thought because my shrimps are too hot to eat...
I read your email this morning, two-three times. I need to read it again now, what do I remember of it 3 hours later? SHE NEEDS TO GO. Tha's all. What I am trying to say BBj, is that she will go and then another one will pop up down the road. It's not her, she is nothing. It's him. It has happened before. Where do YOU stand in the middle of this? You can't go on keep fighting them off because it is obvious the signals he is transmitting is that he is AVAILABLE and more wilbe tempted. He needs to get himself off the free market. Names and persons do not matter that muuch.
I'll be back, my kids won;t let me type. Think about it. You are such a sweet person. Maybe it's time to become a not so easy going person with him. That would be a 180 for you.
You are right. All I have done this morning is yell at S5 for "maiking me" late for work--time change has him refusing to get out of bed, get dressed, etc.
I have SO much anger inside right now and I don't want to take it out on my kiddos. I need to get my "stuff" together...
And it isn't about her. I just feel like he can't focus on himself when he is busy juggling women. I guess I hope w/her gone and me down here he will have time to focus and get himself together....
Just so sad and mad right now. Pi$$ed off that my life is turning out this way. You love someone w/all your heart and that = doormat= "I can screw her over time and again b/c she lets me".....
Hi, I am back. I read your email again. Almost every paragraph starts with "I hope...". Bbj, it's time for you to WANT, to demand, to be firm about your expectations of him.
The way your life is going to be from now on with him living away it gives you the chance to pin down what you need from him. Use solution oriented approach just as Michelle says. Break it down to him when you feel you can, small concrete steps he will understand but be dead serious about it.
I can tell you are one of the persons that you feel that the right thing to do is to stand by your loved ones and support them unconditionally but maybe, maybe that is not what works with your H.
I am glad you are mad. I was wondering about it. I thought "WOW she is a nice person", I would be SO mad. Don't worry, your life will turn out the way you want it to.
You just had to push your boundaries a bit (back) to accommodate his weaknesses but I hope you realise it doesn't work. I stick to my first thought " make him understand, you mean business". It's a risk but do you like the altrenative, do you like the situation you are in right now?
Don't do anything yet. You need to first calm down and become able to decide what's best for you. Wait until you hear the oppinion of others on this board. I am sure some good advice will come.
I actually thought your letter was good. However, will he read it more than once? If he is like my WAS, it will be put somewhere to never be read again. I am finding all of the letters I wrote my W in the van (which I now have). At least your H wrote you a letter - although it was depressing to read. Also, how much of your H's letter do you really believe. The whole confusion in life/pity me could be partly an act to have his cake and eat it too. Maybe not, but just a thought
BTW... I cant figure out who Doug is. H brother or best friend? Your H has the same first name at Heather's (MyMonkeyBug).
I don't know much of your situation except that your husband is with some OW, I read his e-mail, and I read your response, so I'll limit my response only to his e-mail and yours.
His e-mail first of all was either sad or manipulative. I don't know that I've ever heard of a cheating husband that didn't either crawl when found out, or attempt to give a doom and gloom response that admitted fault, but basically made it sound like they couldn't help it because they were so pitiful. To me it seemed as though it could be a photocopy of other letters written by cheating husbands. The intent, whether they know it or not, is to make you feel sorry for their plight and forget that you have a right to be upset and a right to distrust them.
Your e-mail response I read as carte blanche to do whatever he wants to and you'll accept him because you desperately love him. He engendered the very feelings from you that he needed....you to feel sorry for him and see him as somehow a victim, as though the OW is at fault and he was powerless to prevent all this. You're patiently waiting for him to grace you with his awesome presence, as though you could never expect better. This may seem harsh, but I read that he's free to come back to you whenever he's through living this other life. Coming from a man's point of view, that wouldn't appeal to me. It's even a little scary, to have a woman say such desperate things. It's just too needy. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I think you'd be better served to have the mindset that you should be getting your life as great as possible, and if he wants a part of it that he needs to be winning YOU back.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Kerry, When he refers to Doug and Nathan in the letter, Doug is a partner in his cattle business. More of a mentor, not a financial partner, just someone who helps Dan make big cattle decisions.....Nathan is actually the name of Dan's best friend, has known him since toddler-hood. That is who we named our son after. Nathan is such a "good", upstanding guy, I am surprised H actually confided in him...
Your mention of the word "cattle" has just made my mouth water. I had steak the last 2 nights - something I did not eat much of when I was with W - I love beef critter! Tonight I am cooking a turkey butterball, which is about the only meat besides bacon and chicken strips that I can get the kids to eat.
Hopefully Nathan might get around to influencing your H to get his act together.
I also agree that you are being a little too accepting of the situation. He needs to understand that there are consequences for his actions that are firm.
Somehow are you going to have to stand your ground. I know you love him and its hard, but right now he is getting away with quite a bit IMO
