The mistress has more than I can offer

[Dayana]

Thanks for the advice.

He told me on Friday that he has broken up with OW but now he is really depressed that she refuses to manage his band and is demanding her money back. The I can see that he is not over the 'connection' with her, even if it is just about the money and music, rather than the relationship which I believe he really doesn't want. She turned up to his gig on Sat night, so I am guessing that she doesn't think it is really over anyway.

But as he is depressed, he is now angry towards me, telling me he really doesn't see how things can work with us and the last thing he wants to do is to come back and have it fail again.

I said the same things I always say which is that if we both want to make it work differently then we can etc, but all he can do is talk about how he will go mad if he can't do his music, and giving OW up means he will fail in his music (she appears to have brainwashed him on this line of thinking).

he did tell me he wished he could turn the clock back such that he had never got involved with her, which at least is something. I pointed out that it would be nice to turn back time but as he can't, why not build the future that he wants.

But we are at a deadlock - he says he wants to come back to the family but can't work out whether he has the motivation to put into a relationship with me i.e. currently his only motivation to come back is the kids. I guess in a way it is good that he is not coming back in a half-hearted spirit, but it hurts like hell to hear him say he doesn't think he can do it for me.

I suspect that he is waiting for OW to rush back and offer to manage his business, theoretically without the love stuff, but in reality this will be what she is aiming to get back into. So I think we are probably still at square one after all this.

I did see a lawyer a while back and was geared up to send him papers for financial separation but I couldn't bring myself to because I knew that there would be no turning back.

So I think you are right that I need to try to just get on with my own life ... but it is so hard - today he picked up the kids and brought them home, but when I came home he was asleep in my bed - he crosses all my boundaries. Then he left with barely a word to me, even though yesterday he said we would talk some more today.