went to 'my room' and have been sitting here on my laptop for a while. W came in for her 'bathroom stuff' and was all smiles. She's happy because she is 'taking action'.
My head is spinning a little. Here I am again. I crashed my life again, or actually I just never took care of myself and ended up here again. Either way I'm here.
She has all her 'friends' and her EA buddy to help her feel better because she is free of "that man who is always a mess, and who has ruined us financially". Now she can grow and be happy. She's almost free.
This is probably all for the best. I did let myself become pretty hopeless. And it went on too long. At times I cannot blame her, who wants to stay in an unhappy and stressful relationship. I know I didn't want to. It took me too long to realize only I could help myself, that she wasn't able to and we had no support group who would help either.
She's so happy to be done with me. I have to keep reminding myself that it isn't ME she is done with, it's the situation and the stress. I'm not a bad man, I'm a man who needed help and didn't know how to get help.
I got help now and even though it's too late for my marriage, I can still live a good life from now on. I can spend time with my daughters so they really get to know their dad and fell safe.
D12 came into 'my room' across the hall from her room about 10:30 pm. She said she couldn't sleep but she was really feeling sad because Mom was not in the bedroom any more.
I told her to lie down and I held her while she cried a little. She didn't want to talk, just to cry.
I took her back into her room and held her a little longer and assured her that Dad would be here, and we'd be all right. And that Mom is right downstairs if she needs her too.
She went to sleep after a few minutes.
Then about 10 minutes later, our old German Shepard mix dog came into the room and stared at me. She needed to be petted and reassured too. Then she went into my closet and decided she was going to sleep there tonight. Weird dog.
I feel bad, but also a bit better I guess because I am resigned to my fate. It would be better if W wasn't so angry, but she is.
