H and I talked while he was here and he is afraid to come home fearing that it will be like one year ago.
I assured him that because we are discussing things and my forgiving him, it would not be the same because we did not talk back then and he was still seeing ow.
He does not know when he will be home but he did tell me that even though he is still living with her, they no longer have a relationship.
Later on, he texted me for a few hours. He was okay and he will be here later today.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
SF, The conversation you had w/your h is not surprising. One of the issues w/them returning is will it be like it was before. Will my spouse forgive me for what I've done? Will my spouse bring up my mistakes when he/she is angry or annoyed about something I have done or haven't done? These are the questions he's wrestling w/at this time. The only thing you can do is show him that things are different now. Actions do speak louder than words and you are doing everything correctly. Listening, talking and pointing out how things were before and now is all good.
He's being very open and honest w/you and we all suspected that the relationship just wasn't there any longer. Continue on the path you are on for it's the one that will bring you and your h back together again. It's a slow process, but I'd rather see a slow one than a fast one. Coming home is a major event for the both of you and when he does come home, it will be worth the wait.
You are doing beautifully!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H's biggest problem is that he can never forgive himself for all he has done. He knows God can forgive, that I have forgiven him but he cannot forgive himself because he sees how damaging this has been.
He told me late lastnight how much better he feels after he talks to me. For some reason, he is afraid to talk to me but then once he begins, he sees it is not so bad afterall.
He also told me that I have been a real blessing for him both as a wife and someone who has stayed with him thru all of this.
Finances is a big thing right now. I asked him what he would like to see me do in order to help out more. He told me and I listened and agreed to some extent. I did let him know that for now, since he is not home, it would be difficult for me to obtain a full time job since I have to take a child to school in the morning and pick her up at 3:15, make time to take all of them for medical/dental visits--once a month to the orthodontist..take them to this and that, etc. He said he fully understands.
I am considering a few options which I will discuss with him today with regard to some work at home options.
He did say he does not want to hurt OW. I suspect he is trying to let her down gently but could be wrong. I am sure she knows by now what is going on. I am not bothered by her like I was in the beginning.
Time for me to get moving again.
BND: Thanks for telling me about the sale. I have a $10 off coupon!!
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
H just informed me he is taking the day off and moving home.
If you do not hear from me for awhile, you know why.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Good luck SF. This is when things can get a bit tough. Just keep doing what you are doing and let him set the pace. I know even when my H came home he still worried things would go back to how they were. My thoughts will be with you.
OMG!!! I am thrilled. Reading that made me teary eyed. I know when this day comes for me there won't be a dry eye in the house.
Oh honey I wish you the best and hope you and he start your new lif together today living as if the past is just old hat that doens't matter in moving forward TOGETHER.
Keep us updated once you come down off you high...heehee...and down off the ceiling when he rocks your world.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
Gosh I am so excited for you, I got chills when I read he was coming home....God Bless you and your family...
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
YIPPPEEEEEEEEE!!!!! YOU WILL DO SO WELL....I BELIEVE HE IS SO READY. HE HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO SORT HIMSELF AND BE READY FOR THIS AFTER THE PRE-RETURN
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
SF- I am so happy for you. Seeing how patient you have been with your H has been an inspiration to me. You definately deserve the happiness you have been waiting so patiently for. I am sure there the transition of having your H at home won't be easy all the time but if you handle it with the grace and understanding that you have shown all of this time, everything will be fine.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. You have taught us all so much. Congratulations!
Sf. Congrats. May you only face good things in your future and turn your back on the bad.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
