Worried I found DB too late #2

[cw68]

A fairly uneventful weekend. Went dim this weekend, though not completely dark. Didn't answer H's morning email, wasn't home most of the day, didn't answer my cell while we were on the way home (7:30pm-ish) and came back to a VM left around 5pm and another call at the same time he called my cell.

My S5 said quite a few times this weekend that he missed his dad and wished he never moved out. I mentioned this to H last night and said that it's now showing to be hard on our S5, H responded "It's been hard for me too." I bit my lip, wanted to say that this wasn't about him right now, it was about our son but I didn't.

We spoke this morning during the morning phone call. He said he'd be coming over to do some work at the house, including some yard work. Told him it was already done, that I did it yesterday and that I had to go, we were off to the mountains for a spring snow day. The kids and I had a pretty good, albeit warm, time. They asked to call him while we were getting a treat in lovely old historic Truckee. They talked and I said to wrap it up so we could hang out instead of walk the streets talking on the phone, S5 handed the phone to me and H asked when we'd be back. I said we'd be leaving in a while. He said, "What, two hours then?" I said "Maybe, we'll see you when we get back."

When we got back H and I pounded out a ton of finishing projects from our current work on the house. Went out to dinner (kitchen out of sorts), came back, hung a little, put the kids to bed and finished our project. While at dinner he said that I should plan on staying at the house (I'm not assuming overnight!) on Friday to get the house ready for my sister's visit the next day. Told him that I couldn't, I had a sleepover party. Then clarified it was a girls' sleepover for my friend's 50th b-day and told him I'd make a big effort Friday to clean up since all the work should be done by Weds, but I couldn't miss my friend's party because it's her cancer-free 50th party. (GAL)

Throughout the day here, I was very distant physically (180). I did my own part of the project we were doing while working *with* him, just didn't work next to him. Purposefully put space and distance between us.

When he went to leave, he could tell I wasn't feeling well and he was worried that I ate something bad. He told me multiple times that if I got sick to just call him, he could be here for me in a pinch. Then he hugged me, no kiss, and walked away. Then he looked at me, came back, gave me a better hug and a kiss. He said we worked well together tonight and I agreed it's something we do do well together. Told him goodnight, that we had fun this weekend but missed him and he said that he missed us.

My son saying often that he missed his dad was really hard, but I have to keep creating a little space between us. For our marriage's sake and mine.

That's it. I'm not feeling well and am going to bed. Fingers crossed that I don't get sick.