Not holding back...just finished getting everyone out the door!
The whole weekend went without a hiccup. The sitch has turned itself back around yet again. It is exhausting, but in a very good way. This time I am being much more cautious, and waiting to see how she feels in the next day or two. But here is what she told me.
"We are going to do this. I know I have doubts, and I don't know why. But I think it's 'go big or go home'".
I said "how about 'Go Home' "...big laugh from both of us, cuz she didn't realize she was making a pun.
Her concern is that over the years her feelings for me have changed, she says her feelings of love are far less than they used to be, because of not wanting to discuss the affair, and my general lack of communication overall...thereby losing our emotional connection. I told her that feelings grow from a spark to an ember, to a flame...over time. When we first fell in love it wasn't full throttle feelings of love on Day Two...this is the same, we are starting again, brand new.
She feels extremely good and positive when we are together, but when she goes back to her lonely apartment, she overthinks everything to the point of not knowing what to do.
I told her I was not pining for her anymore...I really want her home so we can get to work as a couple, but if she didn't want to, I have no guarantee that I will wait for her. She understood, and realizes that there is a potential to be losing what she wanted all along.
Anyhow, lots of good, deep talk...she knows the door is open but she knows I may move on if too much time passes.
So here is how the weekend went.
I went to her place at 5pm (had 7pm dinner reservations). She really wanted me over earlier but I held back since I had a bunch of other stuff I wanted to do first.
Walked in the door, didn't go to her for the hug, just walked over to the counter and put my keys down.
She went and sat by the window with her glass of wine. I walked in front of her with my beer, she said "whoa! stop and let me see those jeans!" I stood in front of her and she ran her hand across the front (yeah, you know where) and pronounced them quite acceptable. We sat and talked, just small talk, really really nice. The sun was shining, we were both in a good mood and I was definitely not coming across as eager. Cool, calm, quiet but nice.
We both stood up to refill our drinks and she put her arms around me and kissed me. She looked right into my eyes and said "you feel good, and smell good too". "Thanks" I said.
So eventually we went to the restaurant, and got seated. I didn't like the table, wanted one by the window, so I spoke up and asked to be moved. She was very surprised, because this is not something I would do.
We had an awesome meal, very memorable. Great wine, ahi tuna, sea bass, great desserts. I drove back to her place and she invited me up. "Sure" I said. "Sounds great".
As soon as we were in the door, she was on me. Sparing the details, we had a pretty darn good time for the next hour.
She asked me to spend the night, by that time I would have anyway, I was pretty tired!
We had a beautiful sleep, woke up at 4am, talked for a little while, then slept again til 7am.
We went out for brunch, went to Tommy Bahama where I bought her a nice jacket, then back to her place. A while later we jumped into our cars and headed back to my (our) place, where we were having a big birthday dinner with 10 people.
That was a lot of fun, we ate chinese food, drank lots of wine & beer, told stories and looked at photos.
Nobody would leave, so finally she whispered to me "I really need to get home, I have to get my sleep". So I walked her to her car, and she said she would have stayed if everyone would have left earlier...damn! "Plenty of time for that later" said Mr Cool.
As I was saying good night, she said she loved me, so did I. She said she wasn't going to change her mind this time. One more kiss and she was gone. I didn't hang around to wave, just went upstairs.
This was a great weekend. I think we are really going to do it this time...but let's see what morning brings.
