Beginning again like a newbie

[BeingMe]

I have considered giving it back to him and telling him what I have just outlined above. Is this the right thing to do?

No, don't give the cheque back! In fact, he should pay the amount he owes, no matter his financial situation, which he and OW got themselves into.

IMHO, I think you should let the D happen ASAP. Let your H go free, to see that the grass isn't greener on the other side. At this point, he and OW have you as a source of something to commonly complain about. Once you let him go, then you are no longer the 'enemy' keeping them from whatever they are wanting to do. Of course, this is only my opinion, and I base it on what a friend said about her 'fiancee's' LBS, after he finally got his divorce. It was, "about time she let him go ... there is no way he was going back to her, and she just did it to make us miserable". Needless to say, I was quite shocked at this particular friend (who I think is going through a bit of a life crisis herself, but is not aware of it, because I could never imagine her saying this about anyone).

Whatever happens, I do believe things work out for the best if we can approach life without fear, and if we can let go of the things (people) that don't want to be held onto. Maybe, by letting your H truly go, you may find your own freedom.

Still, you will know when the time is right for you. I know how hard it is, and how painful to let go of the father of your children, of the years invested in a M, the vows that were said, the uphills and downhills of living a life together, and then he doesn't even have the guts to face you and tell you why he's throwing it all away. Sometimes, they don't have an answer (my H still can't tell my why he felt the need to put our M at risk, to hurt me so cruelly, to put our children through so much uncertainty) ... all they want is to get away from what they perceive is the thing that is keeping them from their 'happiness'. I say, give it to them, and you will no longer be the source of their sadness, and maybe it will dawn on the MLC brain, that they are that source.

Just some thoughts. Hope the week goes well for you.