H is having affair after all

[Jen_Jam]

Eve ... my tupence worth.

I'm no expert, but to me your H sounds highly defensive. he KNOWS he's been a sh*t and he KNOWS he has done wrong, so he is EXPECTING the punishment.

It looks a bit like projecting - he is expecting you to punish him cos he realises he is in the wrong. He probably feels himself he should be "punished" and is looking for that to come from you. When a WAS is projecting, try substituting "I" for "you". For example "you think I'm worthless" becomes "I think I'm worthless" and then you're closer to the truth.

In him trying to tell you what you think of him he is showing what he thinks of himself. Sure on the surface he may have no remorse, but for a guy who wanted to be the family man, the provider, to walk away from his family has got to hit him in the guts.

I agree too he's probably wanting you to suggest the D so he doesn't have to ... so he doesn't have to be the bad guy yet again.

But someday he has to own his own behaviour, own his feelings. People often say things like "you make me feel angry" when really they choose to react in an angry manner. They look to blame their own failings on external factors. An extreme example of this was Hitler. he tried to be an artist, but in fact wasn't very good. But he blamed his failure on a conspiracy, rather than just accept he didn't have the talent. When people accept themselves and make peace with who they are then peace will follow them.

Your H is far from this. He's fudged up big time and he knows it. He can blame whoever he wants .. you, his job, money worries, the moon being in the 7th house and Jupiter alligning with Mars if he wants to ... but at the end of the day he had choices and he chose badly.

You are in the firing line cos you happen to be nice and near. I'm not sure on the best course of action ... when someone is defensive to an extreme it can sometimes be the case that whatever you say is taken the wrong way. Tricky.

You are in my thoughts, have been all day. I've emailled you some pigtures ... have a look and take a few minuttes break from the crazy ... and that reminds me of something someone said here .."don't own their crazy". To me, it said yes the WAS is acting nuts, saying all sorts of weird sheet, but you don't have to buy into it.

Eve - I may be off the truth ... I have had a couple of large glasses of a rather nice Pignot Grigio ... try what I've said for size and see what you think. And most of all, take it easy. You don't deserve this.