Okay, hate replying to myself but I forgot my suggestios....
Husband, when she says that was a long time ago, just agree. Yeah, it was a long time ago. Don't make a big deal out of it. Don't take it to mean that things have changed. If she says things have changed, ask her WHAT has changed. Otherwise, take it as a truth. IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
So what? I met my wife a LONG time ago. 21 years almost. Does your wife feel the same as she did when those things happened? No, not at the moment. But she knows how special those times were. She remembers, as well as you, what they meant.
Keep that in mind. Do not judge her for her statements. She is trying to shield herself from what has happened. You can fight her by saying that they WERE special times or you can let her slowly remember how special they were by giving her ways of remembering of who YOU are.
I know you've been doing this. My recommendation is to continue reminding her of who you are. This would be a hell of a lot easier in person. I've got the thoughts, just not the words right now.
Continue being Manuel FOR Manuel. You know what was special in the past, even if your W is not ready to face that.
Latest Thread
Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
(By the way my conformation name is Michael). You have done it. When W gets a job and the money sitch is better I am flying out to see ya. You are so right. As ya know We (MEN) are in a difficult position. Being a Man we want to stick up for what is right. We want to kick the ass of that Punk that picks on the little kid. That is the way I have always been. Ever since grade school I ALWAYS defended the underdog against the Ass holes of the world. But Here I am. The worlds "biggest ass hole" to me (the OM) and I can't do anything about it. These are the thought that run through my mind when I was rote tilling my Garden. It makes me feel like less of a Man for not sticking up for my family. Yes I know W had just as much to do with it but still I love her I hate him.
But Yes I am getting allot better at "letting go" of the past. The one year anniversary of me finding the Pictures is coming up. I know what you are saying about W and the feeling of the past. That is what is so frustrating. I can see / feel her holding back. I know if she would just allow herself to "let go of the past" the bad part (in her mind) of our marriage and go with the flow the "feelings" would come back. Like you said I am chipping away at that resistance. I just need you and the others here to knock me up along side my head now and then to keep me in line. Thanks. As you probably know it is hard to look at positive things that are happening and just take them as that positive things. I somehow look at them as "some kind of trick" she is playing on me. Things have been ALOT better since our "talk" I do think she feels less pressure now and since her computer has been fixed she also is not having as many bad moods. WHEN EVER she comes to me and starts talking about her frustrations in finding a job I have been trying to confirm her frustrations INSTEAD of trying to fix them. What I mean is for example (to make it simple) if she said it was too hot in the house, before I would say "you should turn the heat down." Now I have been saying "I agree with ya it sure is hot." I am hoping this will get her to feel that I understand her feelings. That I am listening her HER and not the problem and dismissing her worries with solutions. Another thing that happened yesterday. I was in the yard working and W came out and asked how many miles were on the 1968 mustang. I told her I'm not sure I know it's over 100 thousand. W said that she had the insurance form up on the computer and needed to know so she might take a ride to go look. (The mustang in her mom's garage across town). I ask her if she wanted me to go and she said "no I can do it". I said it may be locked; I sometimes lock cars without thinking about it. (Was thanking she would grab the extra keys just in case). Well about a half hour later I went in to ask her how many miles it had. She said it was locked and she could not see the odometer. (The windows are tinted). I then asked "Do you want me to go look?" and wife said; "if you don't mind" I said I will be right back. Ok now I don't really know how to explain it. But in the past she may have said something like "Ya go look". but this simple "if you don't mind" I don't know it made me feel that somehow MY feelings, my wants mattered" Do you know what I mean? Silly isn't it. Oh ya it has 179534.4 miles on it…
Ok I have kept ya long enough remember I owe you a beer buddy.
Hope to see ya soon.
Dr Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
The worlds "biggest ass hole" to me (the OM) and I can't do anything about it.
Manuel, I know you were talking man to man here but I just wanted to tell you, from my perspective, you are looking after the underdog here. You have a confrontation with OM and your W is going to feel humiliated as you are reminding her of something she would much rather forget. Also I think you are setting yourself up for a fall. OM isn't going to give a flying fcuk about what you feel and he has shown he doesn't care about your W. The conversations we have in our head with them just aren't how they go in real life.
You are so much better tham OM could ever be. Not just to us - I'd put money on it your W thinks that too.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I know what you are saying, I know what is reality. My statement about the OM was just a hereditary MAN thing. the "protector of the clan..."
I am not going to bring the OM up. don't worry I have moved past that. there will come a time when I feel it is right that W AND I will have to commite to eachother or move on. it's not the time right now. WITHOUT mentioning the OM we will HAVE to recommite that we are togeather.
It's just one of those "male" things.... kind of like how seing a pair of panties inthe hamper can get a man all hot but a woman seeing some boxers in the hamper just reminds her the laundry needs to be done.....
Today is going to be a great day baby.....
Dr Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
You are so much better tham OM could ever be. Not just to us - I'd put money on it your W thinks that too
Ditto! And the fact that you are willing to put your hurt aside for now, not attacking her for something she is already beating herself up for (OM), shows that you have true deep love for her. If you had been following her around the house this entire time, questioning her and accusing her of things, she would have bolted.
There will be time for sorting through the muck of the hurt, hers and yours.
As you probably know it is hard to look at positive things that are happening and just take them as that positive things. I somehow look at them as "some kind of trick" she is playing on me.
Seems to me this is exactly the way the WAS usually views the LBS's changes!!!
Son wanted me to hurry up so he and his buddy could use it. Then I went to Rota till my garden some more. (Sorry to hear about the snow in your Driveway it was in the low 70s today. So W goes shopping and son goes down the street with his buddy. THEN THE PHONE rings... It's his buddy’s mom. My son fell from a tree in their yard. So I went down the street and found son hanging over their kitchen sink. I tried to call W but no answer. My son was turning white and I had to have him lay down on the floor while I went back home and got my jeep. I tried to get a hold of W again but still no answer. When I got back I wiped my son's face and found that his tooth went right through his lower lip. I loaded him into the jeep and when I was leaving the court W pulled up and I told her what happened. She said she needs to unload the Groceries and will meet us there. After we arrived and waited 1 hour and 47 min's the doctor looked at him and said he could put in stitched but it would heal better if he did not. So we decided not to do the sitches then Doctor prescribed penicillin and asked if he wanted pills or liquid. Son said he wanted pills but wife said she wanted liquid. I said I don't care but if son wanted pills he was the one taking them. Well after we got home son had hard time swallowing the pills. W threw a tizzy fit saying "Damit I knew I should have gotten liquid." I told son to eat a piece of bread and put the pill in your mouth and swallow both at the same time. He tried and could not do it. So finely he chews the yucky tasting pill and washed it down...
Ok bed time. It seems time jumped ahead today... oh ya that's right it did.
Later Dr Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
