I empathize; this is tough work, and we usually move back and forth between feeling like we're making progress on detaching and letting go of outcomes, and then we fall back. At least I do, and I suspect most others do too. So, you are not alone.
You might try breaking up your life into tiny moments, as in a few minutes at a time, if necessary. As in, "What am I experiencing right now?" What am I seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, etc. And then move on to the next few minutes, etc. So, when you are eating, really be present for the food and conversation, music, or whatever is going on around you right then and there. This type of mindfulness has helped me in the past, and I aim for this every day. I don't always get there, but it does help me be in the moment, rather than wondering about last week, last year, or 10 minutes ago. Those moments are gone. It also helps me let go of thinking about the future, which obviously has not arrived yet. Really be where you are. Most of us think we live this way, but many of us do not. Life looks a lot different when you live this way; a lot healthier too.
If you are feeling lost or hurt, really be there with those feelings. Don't try to suppress them. Be with the feeling you are experiencing at the moment, not what you or your wife were feeling last week or might feel in the future, or some feeling you think you "should" have. Try to remember that all things are temporary, both the good feelings we have in life as well as the hurt. Some last longer than others, but they all do eventually change.
Hang in there and enjoy the moment. You're doing well; the rollercoaster metaphor really does fit, doesn't it?
