I haven't read all the posts on this thread and I will have to catch up. But first, a few thoughts on your D...
My H and I went to a mediator. The benefits of a mediator is the cost - of course. If you believe that you and your H can resolve your issues in a reasonable manner, the mediatior is the way to go. That doesn't mean you'll agree to everything. That is what hte mediator is for. To guide the discussion and tell you both what is reasonable and what is not.
That said, you should probably have your own L as well. You should have someone who is representing your best interest and helping you know what to ask for/insist on, etc.. in mediation.
When my H and I were in mediation, we by no means agree on everything. But we did agree on a lot. And it may have taken another session or two, but both my L and the medaitor thought we could eventually find a way to resolve the issues out of court. My point is, just because you use a medaitor, it doesn't mean you'll agree on everything right off the bat.
Now, as for him wanting to rush the D, I have a theory on this, too. He is a complete mess. He has made a mess of his life. He has no idea what he wants. He is miserable. At this point, he is sure he's past the point of no return in the M. He's messed up too much. SO, now he is saying that it was never a good M to beging with (I went through ALL this with my H -- in fact, after the first time my H came home and left, he said he'll never come back again because now he knew what he wanted).
Anyway, your H is now at a point, IMO, where he wants the M to be over and done with. He wants this D so badly because he feels it will set him free.. give him peace and happiness. Remember, he is living a very dark life right now. He is looking for the light, and he thinks the D will bring that. What he doesn't know is that once the D is over, he'll still be searching for the light. Becuase the light only comes from within him.
Now, you on the other hand... I belive that the D could give some light. You are already grounded and at peace within. The D will be difficult for you becuase you will mourn the loss of your M, but since you have inner peace and strength, you'll be able to heal and see the good in life. YOur H, sad to say, is not in the same place. He is still looking for external factors to give him happiness. He is not looking inside.
Okay, done with the rant now. I miss you over in piecing, but I understand your need to move on. So, i'll come see you here!
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
