H is having affair after all

[Holly06]

Well, as wonderful as England sounds, my life is here in the US, but that is something I am considering doing IF my life takes me to the state where TJ lives.

Nothing I did or said made him recommit to our marriage. So far all he is admitting to is " he does not want the divorce" and we are attempting a reconcilliation. Good enough for me. He is leading the way for us, but he also lead the way, as he exited our marriage.

TJ only gave me the I don't love you the way I should, the way I used to and we deserve better" speech only once. I did not give him the opportunity to have to say it again.

I didn't do anything to talk TJ into our marriage. I wanted him to want our M all on his own. This takes time. You have 18 mo to 2 years before you can broach this subject if you want to have your family back together. Lots of damage will be done. I want you to be the strong one, and let him do all the damaging.

Right now you need small steps, to heal. So you can be strong.
YOur energy and focus needs to be on yourself, and not H. Your kids need the left over energy and smiles.

The only way to get your M back is to let him go.

Act as if you are prepared and calm about putting your life together. Act as if H is a neighbor that you must put up with having fencing issues with. Be pleasant and no more attacking. It feels good initially, and then it feels rotten. Not a good way to take care of you.

K?

I think the one thing that helped our sitch the most, was I was going to be the nicest mores reasonable woman you ever divorced.

TJdid not expect it, and he watched me very carefully whenever he had the chance.

All he knew and saw was I was OK. Even better than OK.

That is what attracted him back.

In order for that strategy to work, you have to be OK. You have to heal a bit more.
So first steps first.
You will find your way. We will help you.