thanks wii \:\) I do want the best for the kids above all, and thank you so much for your prayers, it really means a lot to me.
We just talked briefly, he was telling me about an arrest he made, we talked about him picking up children tomorrow and he brought up that subject again (putting in writing the date he left) he calmy stated he still didnt' understand how it could hurt me.
I calmy told him that I got his point, that I hear him, that I want to make sure it doestn' hurt me in any way, that I needed to do things in a way that are comfortable for me. He started to push a bit and I gently told him again to not insist, that I needed to do things on my timing, that I had heard him. We ended the convo like human beins for a change, and tomorrow I'll give him the list of the mediators I've found.
After calling 6, getting back from 5 and only 2 looking good i still want to look some more, but honestly don't know where else. One of them charges 250 per hr but garantees a total of 3 or 4hrs max of mediation, he is also a lawyer w/30yrs of experience, his drafting of the contract is expensive though. THere is another group of mediators, they charge 165 but will take longer, and supposing they only take 4hs they'd b about 400 cheaper than the other guy.

Well, i put this decision in God's hands, hope we choose the best, I really did try to get the best mediator possible.

Funny thing, I just came from my cousin's, she has a karaoke machine (ok ok, snicker all you want :P ) and there were all these love songs, betrayal and loss ubber romantic songs. And they did nothing for me, a while ago my heart ache while listening to that kind of music, but now nothing, i think my romantic love bone for him is really broken for good...

Good thing too.

Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.