I've been meaning to pop in to ask how you're faring, but all I've been able to do is to lurk a little and then get caught up in work or something else.
From the tone of your words you sound exactly like a friend of mine in our Divorce Care group when she reached this point about last December. (I'll call her "M".) It's like "M" got to this point where she just didn't really care any more whether it would work out between her and her WAH. It still hurt her, but she began letting it all go.
Currently she's much further along. By the time her STBXH filed last month, she expressed an initial sting but then quickly felt relief that her 18 month ordeal was coming to an end. Since then "M" has shown incredible strength and a positive, almost happy outlook -- she's still sad for the death of her M, especially for the sake of her two DD's, but she definitely appears eager to put this all behind her. Early in their separation, she found God (after being agnostic most of her life) and has really grown spiritually.
I hope you're doing better. I am sorry your vacation could not have produced a more happier circumstance for all of you.
