Tied to the Whipping Post

[Punktmann]

MMF, I think you are right.


I still really care what happens to her, and what goes on in her life. Not like I want to have a say in that anymore, but like I don't want her to be unhappy.

I guess you could say that I'm pissed that things are hard for her, and that she is unhappy right now.

She is unhappy.

We've had several conversations about money and the logistics of what to do next. She really didn't understand what was said and agreed to at the settlement conference. She's a very intelligent woman, so I kind of have to blame her attorney for that. Either that, or her MLC fog is interfering with her understanding. If that is the case, I'm pissed that there is something going on in her head that is messing her up that badly.

Either way, I'd just really like to see her get back to the strong able minded person she once was.

Not my problem, I know, but it sucks to see her that way.

During this afternoon's discussion, I offered to make dramatic changes in the liqid financial settlement, so that she can (maybe,) buy rather than rent, and pay me back when she can.

I doubt that would ever happen, (paying back,) b/c life happens, but who cares, I want this to go as easy as possible for everyone, and quickly.

Funny, this all just sucks, but I don't feel the impending doom hanging over me anymore, I just want it over quickly now.

There is a definate difference in how I feel now, at peace, and impatient, and how I felt before last friday, still hanging on.

Maybe that's what everyone means when they talk about dropping the rope. If so, I've really dropped it.

I'm sad to see her get upset when we talk about things now, but I don't feel it like a kick in the teeth anymore.


I am just really needing to get this over with and move forward.

I need it to end, and soon.


She was gone for a week on business, and I felt great during that time. Whatever is to come, I finally need that separation and distance from her issues. It's not about me, and I don't want to be part of the drama anymore. If I thought that I could help her by being together, I'd take a different view, but I don't.



Whatever she decides to do, in our sitch, it can't happen until she gets away from me.

If I had started DBing earlier, and hadn't let 3 years of hell roll through our lives, I think that there would have been a good chance for reconciliation before the D. Now, if it happens at all, I think that it will be long after the D, and long after things fail with the OM.

I don't know if I'll be around then.

I guess it all depends on how the kids adjust.


I'm learning new depths to the word irony.