Sandi's Here in Piecing from Almost WAW

[sandi2]

DomR, I tried to go back and edit my last post and I guess they were doing some type of tech work on the board and it wouldn't let me. Anyway, I guess I sounded childish the way I talked. It was another disappointing Saturday. My H had to go with his brother out of town to a relative's funeral. So, then I called my mother to see if she wanted to go somewhere and she didn't. By that time my Fibro was raging and I had to settle down for the day.

However.....I still have more hope today than I had yesterday!

Okay, let me try to tell you why I reacted to your post. I realize that I had said I was ready to go to work and tell me what to do. I have said that before and then you gave me this same advice as quoted here:

there are only a few limited ways you can interact with your H when you need someting, generally speaking. hopefully, i will cover all of them:

("I want something...")

I deserve it as a person
I deserve it as your wife
It would make me really happy if...
It would make me really UNhappy if....
'll give you something, if you give this to me

So, you said there are just a few limited ways that I can interact with my H and you gave me the list. I understood this to mean through the act of "talking" to him. I have done all them and now I remember even doing the last one a long time ago. As I told you in the past....it does not go over with him. It does not go over for me either.

It has been too many years ago, but I did try something a time or two that was along the lines of the last suggestion that you feel works the best. I will do X for you if you will do Z for me. However, as I recall, it seem to cause a very negative response from him when I tried that approach. As I thought about it from my POV, I would not like for him to use that approach with me. Not where affection is concerned. Now when I mentioned that, you seemed shocked that I would mention affection, but when I was over in the SSM forum, that is all you talked about to me. You even gave me the example to tell him that I would sit by him and watch one TV program each night if he would kiss me when I started to leave the house or go to bed. Don't you remember that? You did not use the example that you gave today about the walking...or whatever it was. Now, that I can understand and don't have a problem with it and I have tried that also, but it doesn't seem to get very far with him. He doesn't compromise well....where I am concerned.

I do have a problem when affection is concerned as the example you gave over in the SSM forum. What value is there to a kiss from your H if you have made an agreement to watch TV with him in order to get a kiss? I mean, it feels like a paycheck or a duty required from him. I don't want that. I don't want him to kiss me b/c that was part of the deal or bargin he made with me. Neither does he want me to be in the same room with him, if I don't want to be. What value is that to him?

That was what I was trying to tell you before. I didn't do a good job of it and probably haven't this time. However, I should not have written such a poor post to you.

I assumed from what you and (well, I won't mention names) have said, there were other things to "show" my H what to do instead of "talking"....since that doesn't seem to work. You all keep telling me to do something, but when all is said and done, doesn't it still land on conversation?

I think the last bad R talk we had long years before the OM came on the scene was when I tried to use one of Gary Smalley's techniques of "word pictures". It's too long to tell it all, but he got it....he got the comparrison that I was making in my word picture and he closed himself up tighter and never put his hands on me....in a sexual manner again! So.......so much for that technique!

Well, he has come to tell me about something on TV, so that is my hint that he wants me to watch it with him. So, I will.....and I am not expecting any "payment" for doing it.

Talk later.

Sandi