W2G let me give you an example of mixed signals I got yesterday. My H told me "we're done, I want a D, we're through" Again. So I took down the wedding photo. He saw it later and told me I was being ridiculous. I told him if you want a D then I don't want the photo here. He just gave me a strange look. Now, if H wants a D why the hell should it matter to him if i'm taking down a photo???
Just keep believing in your M and doing what works for you. Like they all said if he eventually comes back then great if not you'll be just fine.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Your H said it himself, he is in a haze. It means he CANNOT think! Why would you take his "thinking" into consideration?
As for the pleading and begging, forget that you've done it (he will. He is in a haze, remember?) and keep DBing! Don't wait for him, of course, just live for yourself and your wonderful D and remember that it's over when YOU decide it's over.
Hang in there, ok?
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
I'm sorry for the mixed signals, you and i seem to be on the same page with our H's.
Mine is in the walk away phase now, he just wants his life, his freedom his money and he wants out. He will not look back, he will not look forward. He will not even be my friend right now. But for now i am his. and i always will be.
Your h like mine are walking a hazy path, they think what they are doing is right. What we need to do is build us up and make us stronger.
Make something fun with your D tomorrow, and let her make you smile,
You hang in there
HUGS bear
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
Isn't living in the 'now' tough? You can't change the past or predict the future, so what better place to be.
Where are you now, sweet WtG? A wonderful mother who knows what is important to you. You seek creative solutions, keep trying and improve yourself all the while not losing what makes you must wonderful. Isn't odd how adversity often shows us what a gem we are at our core?
Holidays are difficult reminders of what was taken for granted.. being a family. Easter will be our first and I hate the idea of 'splitting' the kids. I figure, if I can't have the family I want, I'll take the family I have.
Hello.. and you're hearing it first, Easter will be at my house, our family home. The primary guests will be kids and me, H invited and welcomed.. along with any family members (his and mine) who wish to attend along with friends. Everyone who attends will bring something.
From what I've read, in a successful relationship comes down to spending time together. Holidays are a perfect time in that regard. All I have to do is set the boundaries.. and voila.. we have time.
Here's to rainbows during showers and silver linings on the darkest clouds.
Isn't living in the 'now' tough? You can't change the past or predict the future, so what better place to be.
You've got that right! Are you reading a New Earth?
Quote:
Holidays are difficult reminders of what was taken for granted.. being a family.
I am filled with guilt over how I took family for granted. I was a HUGE complainer and so was H. Everything was a hassle. But now I need them more than ever and here they are for me. This is one reason why I really believe that all of this is happening to show ME what is important in life and to appreciate what you've got. NOW. Only now. Stop wanting and just live in the moment for what it is.
J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
Hello Ms J~, Nope.. not reading New Earth (yet). I live my yo-yo. Earlier I was feeling good, now I'm feeling not so positive.
Taking things for granted is a given, we all have so much. Maybe the ones who complain the most have lost the least. What point of comparison do you have but your own?
My brother suggested I make a gratitude list, something I've occasionally done. Today might be a good time to do it again!
I'm going to just forget was a disaster I was yesterday.. today I awoke with renewed determination. I'm not certain how long it will last but I do notice the down times are dealt with much faster for me now.. I don't have days and days of pity parties any more. So that's a plus I guess!
Thanks Kalni, Woog, Jenny, Jen, Stella, Bear and Gypsy (if I missed someone I do apologize).
I need to do some major shake ups for myself. I do think H and I are in stage 2.. the friendship stage.. I guess like Ali in her sitch I worry that "mates" is all I'm ever going to get. Funny how I can be logical when it comes to things other people are going through and yet I somehow manage to discredit any of the things that are small steps in my sitch. I'm sure my problem is expectation. I TRULY do try not to have any expectations.. but realistically I know that I still do.. and as soon as I see any positive sign I think in the deep slumbers of my mind I think he's on his way.. and that he'll be home in no time.. but then reality sets in and he backs away.
I'm thinking, although I'm still wanting my marriage, of joining parents without partners (PWP). I'm not looking at it as a way to meet men but I am looking at it as a way to meet new people. Don't get me wrong, I love my current friends (and you guys of course ) but I do feel like a third wheel with a lot of them. Majority of my friends are married or in very committed relationships and although I am happy for them it does make me sad for me. This PWP has workshops and things to do family wise and things for just adults. A lot of my problems with me right now are that I feel alone. I don't have a lot of friends where we live.. and my family all live an hour away. So if I could really build a network of people I think my GAL will really start. I'll see how it goes. I can be a bit on the shy side when meeting people (it's the introvert in me).. but I need to start making friends.. and I hoping this is a good way to start.
I'm going to check in on all of you now..
And Kalni, any insight you can offer with helping me set up some goals would be fabulous!
) but I do feel like a third wheel with a lot of them. Majority of my friends are married or in very committed relationships and although I am happy for them it does make me sad for me. This PWP has workshops and things to do family wise and things for just adults. A lot of my problems with me right now are that I feel alone. I don't have a lot of friends where we live.. and my family all live an hour away. So if I could really build a network of people I think my GAL will really start. I'll see how it goes. I can be a bit on the shy side when meeting people (it's the introvert in me).. but I need to start making friends.. and I hoping this is a good way to start.