AJC, I can see that a D would not be good for you given your house situation but from your H's point of view he might be better off to a degree,or at least he thinks he would be.
I am sorry you do not like my tone,it is not intentional to upset you. I was just trying to point out some facts as I see them.
This statement says a lot to me but I can see that you do not "read" what I do
"While we both worked at it things were fine it was when my H decided to look towards OWs again that things went sour."
It was fine for you BUT why did he decide to look elsewhere again? I have no idea maybe there is no answer.Maybe it was not fine from his point of view. Maybe even if you knew why you couldn,t fix it.
After many years I have realised our view of our marriage is not the same as theirs and for now that is their reality of it. Just as our hurt and pain is our reality.
So we have to accept that we can only deal with how we survive and get through this.
You say you undertand your h completely-his reasons-you decry his moving into another rel.(we all feel this & it is not a good thing)maybe this was what they call an exit affair, but you also so say he chooses not to understand you because it doesn,t suit him! hmmm again this could be because of the medium we use but this imo sounds slightly controlling and again imo I feel this added to a firey nature is your biggest downfall.
I guess we shall have to agree to disagree and I shall leave your thread but I hope you take a calm moment to ponder my thoughts.I am not saying lie down and give your H his D and whatever he wants. I am saying make it as amicable and civil as it can be whilst protecting your interests and your childrens,so that there is the least amount of bitterness between you and therefore less to heal or hinder any future relationship you have with him.And do choose your battles for the right reasons.
You do so well and then you have "the cut off my nose to spite my face moments" and undo the progess you make.
I truly do wish you well and happiness in your life whatever path you choose.
It is very late so I hope this translates as I have intended it to read.