Rob - I thought about how to respond to your post while I was shoveling 14 inches of the white stuff off of my driveway (and sidewalks) today. Here's the answer: I intend to let her do all of the heavy lifting. I'm not gonna be the one who initiates anything. I just won't do it.
I am not in "agony." In fact, I am OK. Not entirely happy, but I am at the very least comfortable with who I am. Comfortable that I have done my best. Comfortable knowing that, if our marriage ends, it will not be me that initiates the end of it.
Perhaps a part of my being "Already Gone" is a defense mechanism. It would be not good at all for me to truly believe that my wife will soon wake-up from her MLC and tearfully return to the marriage. Believing that I am "Already Gone" allows me to be strong and independent, and capable of demanding particular things (no contact, transparency, etc) from her in the unlikely event of her return. To believe otherwise, I would be setting myself up for pain and disappointment in the future.
The upshot is that being strong, and knowing and believing that my marriage is over, makes me more attractive to her... and others.
